California Wildfires

Happy Exploding Little Trees


cjones09182020

We do not have invisible airplanes. You can’t stop a hurricane by dropping a nuclear bomb on it. Energy efficient lightbulbs don’t make you appear orange. You can’t catch cancer from windmills. You can’t cure coronavirus by ingesting bleach or fish tank cleaner. Simply raking forests doesn’t prevent wildfires. And trees do not explode.

In 1998, I moved to Fredericksburg Virginia and I enrolled my eight-year-old son into Hugh Mercer Elementary. While driving him to school on his first day, he asked me why it was named “Hugh Mercer.” I told him Hugh Mercer was a great dude who lived in this town over two hundreds years ago. My son asked me what made him great? I said, “Because he did great things” My son asked, “What kind of great things?” Dammit, kid.

I told my son that Hugh Mercer did great things like stop a dinosaur alien invasion hundreds of years ago with a magic sword. He slayed half the dinosaur aliens and the other half flew away in their dinosaur alien space ships, crying all the way until they got to their home world, Dinosauranus. Everyone was so happy, they named an elementary school after him because that’s what you get when you stop a dinosaur alien invasion.

My eight-year-old looked at me the same way he does today at the age of 30. Like I’m an idiot.

That’s exactly how Trump sycophants should look at Donald Trump when he says stupid shit like, “With regard to the forest, when trees fall down after a short period of time, about 18 months, they become very dry, they become really like a match stick and they get up you know there’s no more water pouring through and they become very, very they just explode. They can explode.”

The difference between me selling my kid a load of horse shit and Donald Trump selling a load to his base is that I know I’m selling horse shit. Does Donald Trump know? My son is extremely smart and was even at eight. He also had an imagination and knew I had one too. But, shouldn’t adult Trump supporters be smarter than an eight-year-old?

Do you know how you know when you’re in a cult? When you accept lies as truth…even when you know they’re lies. You’ll also know you’re in a cult when you start defending those lies as truth. I’m sure some Trump cultists are already explaining that trees do indeed explode.

For the record, trees do not explode.

How crazy is it that in the fight to refute climate change, to call it a hoax and a political agenda, that you have to create crazy impossible shit that makes you sound like a dumbass? But then again, Trump is talking to a cult that believes there are deep state lizard people worshiping Satan while eating babies in the basement of a Washington pizza parlor.

If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound? If it explodes and there’s no one around, does that make a sound? If Donald Trump says a bunch of stupid shit and there’s no sycophants there to hear it, is Donald Trump still a dumbass? Yes. He’s still a dumbass.

And please, do not read this to a Trump supporter. I don’t want to have to explain to them there aren’t any dinosaur aliens invading us from the planet Dinosauranus.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

He Blinded Me With Stupid


cjones09172020

Donald Trump is not a person who relies on facts. And a person who doesn’t rely on facts typically doesn’t believe in science. A humble person will admit to what they don’t know and listen to experts. Donald Trump will tell people who have spent their entire lives studying a subject, and without having any knowledge of it himself, tell them they’re wrong. Donald Trump is not a humble person. He doesn’t even know what it is not to know.

While speaking to the governor of California, Gavin Newsom, and other government officials, Trump argued against climate change. After weeks of silence about the wildfires in the western part of the nation, Donald Trump said, “I don’t think science knows what is happening.” Yeah, science is the confused one here.

Donald Trump doesn’t believe in climate change and has claimed it’s a hoax created by China. He’s not good with science…or knowing stuff in general.

After being handed special sunglasses and told not to stare into an eclipse, Donald Trump stared into an eclipse. If it burned out any brain cells, we’ll never notice.

Donald Trump asked about nuking a hurricane. He tried to change the direction of a hurricane with a Sharpie. He ordered government scientists to lie about the direction of a hurricane so it would jive with his mad Sharpie ninja skills.

Donald Trump asked if there was a way to cure people with covid-19 by drinking bleach. He’s touted other bogus remedies.

He thinks our government has invisible airplanes…or maybe we do and that’s another national security secret he exposed.

He thinks liberal lightbulbs make him appear orange…and it’s not his three inches of orange makeup.

He believes windmills cause cancer.

And with wildfires, he believes the lack of raking forests is a bigger cause than climate change.

Sure, we need better management of forests, (most of those being burned right now are on federal property…which Trump heads), but climate change is a very real factor, and science knows it.

Raking the forests doesn’t have anything to do with extreme weather. Having a rake won’t change the direction of the wind. It won’t make the air less dry. Rakes don’t stop hurricanes, droughts, flooding, tornadoes, a even a giant orange cloud smothering our nation.

Donald Trump promises the fires would decrease as it’s about to get cooler. He also promises the coronavirus would magically disappear by Easter. Today, there are nearly 195,000 dead from the virus…the Trump Virus. We can call the wildfires “Trump Fires.”

Joe Biden called Donald Trump a “climate arsonist” yesterday. Donald Trump pulled our nation out of the Paris Climate Accord, so yeah. He’s a climate arsonist.

The most science Donald Trump understands is that he knows he doesn’t want you to sneeze on him. Other than that, Trump doesn’t care if the world burns. Just give him eight more years.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Make America Rake Again


cjones11232018

It was a harsh night in Abbottabad, Pakistan, some time way, way, way much earlier than 2011. There was rain. And, not just any rain. The kind of rain that could make one’s hair wet.

America’s greatest American, who respected the military more than anyone else, despite their POWs, Gold Star families, and war memorials stupidly left outside to face the elements, was leading the Mission Covfefe to capture America’s greatest enemy. No, not Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama, or even Meryl Streep.

This great American chose to make the sacrifice of not making more money, by taking time out to capture this heinous villain, and personally lead this mission, which he had planned with his best brain that had the best…what do you call those things again? Oh, yes. “Words.” This mission could be a greater danger than gonorrhea, while also getting the best prime-time ratings.

The location of the terrorist mastermind was pointed out in the patriotic leader’s book, “The Art of the Deal,” which many, many people have said was the second greatest book of military strategy in the history of books, after the Bible. But, the generals, who knew way less than our heroic leader, and Presidents Bush and Obama had refused to listen. Bush, because he was low energy and made bad decisions, and Obama because he was probably born in Kenya or some other shit-hole country. If the nation waited on them, then the terrorist would probably escape capture until 2011.

The terrorist was hiding in a mansion or something like that. Our esteemed leader had seen much better. But, what sort of danger waits for our leader with larger hands than the normal man? Bombs? Guns? Stairs? It didn’t matter. Bone spurs be damned. Our leader was armed with a personal gift from the Emperor of Finland, which was a nation of forests in the Balkans and full of white people. He had a rake.

And, not just any rake. Why, this was the very same rake our leader had used to clean the floors of California’s forests, which was successful in preventing wildfires for the rest of eternity. Despite this, the state remained ungrateful to Dear Leader and continued to send black women with low IQs to Congress.

But, as we all know from history, the rake wasn’t needed. After seeing that the great orange one himself was leading the mission, George Soros keeled over in death, blood coming out of his wherever. Fear had killed the terrorist.

The news of the conquest forced ISIS to surrender before it was established. Stock markets climbed to unprecedented heights never seen before. Black unemployment hit new lows. Suburban moms would only vote for Democrats in the future if the mission’s leader was not on the ballot.

Finally, America was great again.

You’re welcome, America.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Trump’s California Dreaming


cjones11212018

Donald Trump is going to California. Sorry, California.

Trump is very bitter toward California because they didn’t vote for him and it’s ground zero for The Resistance. Their governor doesn’t like Trump. Their two senators don’t like Trump. And now, Orange County, which was the bastion for Reagan conservatism, will be represented in Congress entirely by Democrats.

California is burning as wildfires have claimed the lives of at least 71 people. Over 1,000 are missing. Trump’s first response to this was to tweet a dig at California, blaming the state’s forest management for causing the fires, which of course is wrong.

One woman living in a shelter told the BBC, “If you insult people, then you go visit them, how do you think you’re going to be accepted? You’re not going to have a parade.” That’s sad because Trump really likes parades. What he hates is rain.

Trump flew to France to commemorate the 100th anniversary marking the end of World War One and then skipped a ceremony at a cemetery for American veterans because…it was raining. He also refused to walk with European leaders and allies in the rain. Later in the day while giving a speech to veterans, he complained about having to stand in the rain. When he came home, he skipped going to Arlington National Cemetery on Veterans Day.

What California needs desperately at this time is rain, to drench the wildfires and to keep away Donald Trump.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Wildfire


cjones10152017

As at least 20 wildfires rage in California, killing 35 so far, Donald Trump is gutting Obama’s Climate Change policy (along with everything else Obama initiated during his term. More on that with my next cartoon). While Trump has issued a disaster declaration for the Golden state, Californians will probably have to issue huge compliments and gratitude for Cheetolini to do more.

Thousands of homes have been lost to the fires, including the Santa Rosa home to one of my heroes, Peanuts creator Charles Schulz.

When it comes to disasters, Trump is picking and choosing which Americans he wants to receive aid. While Texas, Florida and Puerto Rico are also recovering from hurricanes, Trump is issuing threats to the territory that we can’t stay there forever, as if it’s a foreign nation we’re occupying.

Trump is also picking and choosing which parts of his oath of office he plans to keep.

Donald Trump recited the oath of office which states, “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” Donald Trump said those words, but they apparently don’t mean anything to him.

Trump is concerned with people disrespecting the flag of the United States and the National Anthem (unless it’s Kid Rock wearing the flag as a diaper. He gets invited to the White House). He has said that people can’t disrespect those. Much like the stock market and the national debt (which Trump said last week, one will pay off the other), he doesn’t understand the United States Constitution…or the fact he’s sworn to protect it.

Trump loves the flag controversy. It helps him further divide this nation and it allows him to continue to be president only for the low-information rubes who support him. There is no actual danger to this nation if someone disrespects a flag, a song you don’t know all the words to, or even our military (which has not technically fought for American freedom since the Civil War). It’s red meat for stupid religious zealots, like vowing we’re going to start saying “merry Christmas” again, which must be a secret ban Obama implemented. I can’t find any information on that, no matter how hard I search.

A rhetorical question I posed on Twitter a few days ago to Trump sycophants was: “what’s worse? Disrespecting the flag or the U.S. Constitution?” Violating one of those actually endangers our freedom, and it’s not the flag.

What is frightening as hell is that we have a president, who idolizes authoritarian figures, who is disregarding the parts of the Constitution he doesn’t like.

Trump says people can’t disrespect the flag. Yes, they can. It’s protected speech. The Constitution doesn’t say that only speech Donald J. Trump agrees with is allowed.

While every president has issues with the press, Trump has been in a constant love/hate relationship with it for his entire life. Lately, he’s focusing on the hate.

Upset at a report that he wanted to increase our nuclear arsenal (because he doesn’t understand treaties either), he blasted NBC. Trump tweeted, “with all of the Fake News coming out of NBC and the Networks, at what point is it appropriate to challenge their License? Bad for country!” He also wondered out loud why the Senate Intelligence Committee wasn’t looking into the “fake news networks.”

Wednesday, Trump said, “it is frankly disgusting the way the press is able to write whatever they want to write, and people should look into it.” Guess what, you walking mango. I looked into it. Yes, the press pretty much can write whatever they want to write. It’s how Trump’s favorite publications, The National Enquirer, Breitbart, InfoWars, and Fox News can spread made-up bullshit for Trump to help disseminate.

First off, there is not a license for news network, no more than there are licenses for journalists (including political cartoonists). Individual stations are licensed, but not networks. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) does not regulate content. This isn’t Nazi Germany, or present-day North Korea, or Cuba, or Azerbaijan, or China, or Russia, or Iran, or Saudi Arabia, or Egypt, or Turkey, or Uzbekistan, etc.

Second, freedom of the press is guaranteed by the First Amendment. If you’re a Trump voter, that’s the very first one in the Constitution. Our Founding Fathers thought it was kinda important. Trump might have autocratic fantasies about ditching parts of the Constitution that he and his stupid base don’t care about, or have never bothered to read, but he has sworn to defend it.

Similar to how you can’t choose which American citizens are worthy enough to receive disaster relief, and which are not, you can’t pick which parts of the Constitution you swear to defend. I know the Second Amendment is the only one you get a boner for, but you might want to look into the others.

When it comes to people who kneel during a song and people who want to violate the United States Constitution, only one of those groups should have their patriotism questioned (hint: It’s not the protesters).

Did you know that in addition to protecting the press and protesters, the First Amendment also allows you to practice whichever religion you fundamentalist zealots choose? Also, it prevents anyone from stopping you from saying “merry Christmas.”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.