Cabinet

Praise For Dear Leader


cjones06152017

You wonder why Trump and his sycophants can’t see how ridiculous it looks that they turned their cabinet meeting into a praise and worship session for Donald Trump, but then you look at his hair. No, he doesn’t know when he looks ridiculous. I half expect him to walk out of the White House one day wearing spandex pants with “Juicy” on the butt.

Donald Trump issued a denial that he demanded James Comey pledge his loyalty, then his cabinet conducts an ass-kissing parade. A man who paints himself orange won’t be able to see how that appears. He probably won’t be able to read how it will look if he fires Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

Every idiot who works for Trump, other than Defense Secretary James Mattis who hasn’t sacrificed every shred of dignity…yet, heaped praise on The Donald Monday during the first cabinet meeting attended by every member. It’s a daily routine for Vice-President Mike Pence who can’t give a speech without repeating the phrase “under the leadership of President Trump” at least 17 times. Pence probably oozes the fake praise in his sleep.

But if it seemed creepy and gross that the entire cabinet sat in a circle jerk for the prez, that’s because it is. It resembles the regime of North Korea, or a scene from Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles when his cabinet “harumphs” to one of his rants and Brooks, as the GOV, says “I didn’t get a ‘harumph’ out of that guy.”

The booty kissing started with Pence who said “The greatest privilege of my life is to serve as vice president to the president who’s keeping his word to the American people.” I wonder which word that was. Bigly? Yuge? Covfefe?

It was followed by Attorney General Jeff Sessions (who could be gone any day now and back in his tree making cookies) telling his Dear Leader it was an “honor” to serve him. At least when Monica served Bill Clinton, they shut the door.

Alexander Acosta, Secretary of Labor said “I am privileged to be here — deeply honored — and I want to thank you for your commitment to the American workers.” Are you feeling sick yet? Wait. There’s more!

Sonny Perdue, Secretary of Agriculture, just returned from Mississippi and told Trump how much they love him there.

Perhaps the most nauseating praise came from Chief of Staff Reince Priebus who might have confused Trump with God when he said “We thank you for the opportunity and the blessing to serve your agenda.” Pass the crackers and wine and let’s all hail Trump.

OK, I’m too nauseous to post the rest, but they all praised his integrity, his message, his strength, his policies, his blah blah blah, ugh. Trump nodded approvingly and if you watch a video of it, you’ll see his huge smile. It’s like a child at a birthday party, except this is a 70-year-old man-baby with nuclear weapons.

If nearly every cabinet member heaping praise on Trump wasn’t enough flattery, Trump followed suit by praising himself, which is not unique. It would be unique if he didn’t praise himself. Trump declared himself one of the most productive presidents in American history — perhaps Franklin D. Roosevelt could come close, he conceded — and proclaimed that he had led a “record-setting pace” of accomplishment. That may be true as he could be the president who’s impeached the quickest.

This sort of stuff never happened under other presidents’ cabinet meetings. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer mocked the meeting with a video of his own, which must have trolled the entire Trump administration. I wonder if any cabinet member did any dry heaving afterward.

Weird, crazy, confused, and mentally-dysfunctional former professional basketball player Dennis Rodman is in North Korea, again, where he’s probably giving Kim Jong Un plenty of “harumphs.” Rodman could be carrying a message for Kim from Trump. That’s great. Donald Trump has put the hope that there will not be a nuclear war in the hands of Dennis Rodman.

As for anyone in the Trump administration who doesn’t massage the man-baby’s ego, they better watch their ass.

What I will find very ironic is if Donald Trump, who is not smart or good enough, loses the presidency to Stuart Smalley.

Creative note: I asked a friend for her input on the “exfoliate” thing. I didn’t know if it was “foliate” or “exfoliate.” I figured she would know for sure since she has skin.

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Drain The Swamp


cjones11142016

Donald Trump promised to “drain the swamp” and around 60 million Americans wanted the swamp drained so badly that they gave the presidency to a racist, xenophobic, sexually assaulting, doofus. Thanks, America.

So how does President-Elect Trump go about “draining the swamp?” He appoints the very creatures responsible for contaminating the swamp. He’s made Republican Party Chairman Reince Priebus his Chief of Staff. While it is a wise move to give that position to someone who knows Washington, he’s the very definition of insider.

Other names popping up for cabinet posts and important positions is Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions, who has been in Washington since 1996, John Bolton (not Michael Bolton, the homogenized R&B singer) who’s been in D.C. since 1974, Rudy Giuliani who can’t be called an outsider, and a literal Newt. Newt Gingrich will serve in some role and he’s been sludging up D.C. since 1979. This is not swamp draining.

There are a few outsiders who could end up with appointments that should scare the living life out of you. People such as Sarah Palin, former Arizona governor Jan Brewer, Kansas governor Sam Brownback who’s pretty much destroyed that state, Ben Carson, Joe Arpaio who was recently defeated as that racist sheriff in Arizona (he’s still racist), and David Clarke the very scary sheriff in Milwaukee.

In addition to all those terrible people he has his veep, Mike Pence, running his transition team and he’s relying on his children, Ivanka, Uday, and Qusay, to pitch in with whatever horrible suggestions they may have.

Another high profile appointment is Steve Bannon. While Trump rightfully asked his racist supporters to stop assaulting people, he went and appointed an anti-semitic racist as chief White House strategist. Bannon is the guy who changed Breitbart from a Right-Wing agenda driven fake news site to an anti-semitic, racist right-wing agenda driven fake news site.  If you ever want to check out the comments under the racist stories in Breitbart I suggest you do it before you shower. The site is a magnet for white supremacist. Just the kind of people wearing sheets and attacking minorities to celebrate Trump’s victory.

One of the most interesting things about Bannon is that he is very much in favor of draining the swamp. He’s been at war with Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and he’s basically a despicable human being nobody likes, except Donald Trump and white supremacist. They love that guy. In the future he’s going to devise “strategy” with people who he used to strategize to eliminate. Trump is replacing water moccasins and alligators with Swamp Thing.

Trump has always surrounded himself with gross people so it shouldn’t be any surprise his administration will be the ickiest ever. The only surprise so far is that we’re not hearing Ted Nugent or Gary Busey being considered for anything.

None of the people on Team Trump are the sort you’d even trust to watch your goldfish, less enough run the State Department. Have you ever overfed a goldfish? It’s not pretty. When my son was five he dumped an entire container of food into an aquarium. I’ll just describe it as “they do not stop eating.”

I don’t think these people will stop eating either. It’s going to be a very ridiculous four years.

Someone on Twitter asked me today how do I pick which idea to draw, since I must be having several a day since Trump was elected. I have been. I started one this morning on Hillary and Comey and I wasn’t feeling it, so I switched to the swamp idea. I might go back to the Hillary/Comey thing but there seems to be breaking news several times a day. Hopefully I can get a few non-Trump cartoons in at some point.

To answer that question: How do I pick the idea out of several? If you get several ideas a day not all of them will be good. I was talking to a fellow musician once who told me he wrote five songs a day. I thought “those have really gotta be some crappy songs.” And they were. Total crap. He’d play open mics and it was like an endless loop of Oasis’ “Wonderwall.” It didn’t help that the guy only knew three chords.

I try to pick the idea that sucks the least (and someone always thinks what I settled on sucks). I also try to pick the most important issue, the funniest idea, and sometimes the one that has the best chance at being published the most (which is really hard to predict).

And now I have “Wonderwall” stuck in my head. Crap.

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