Partisan Bwa-Ha


Democrats in the Texas legislature have fled the state. No, not because Texas sucks. I mean, yeah…it does suck but that’s not why they left. They left because a quorum is required by Texas law for the legislature to pass anything.

First off, what is a quorum? A quorum is a minimum number required for proceedings to progress. As soon as Republicans looked up the definition, they were all like, “How dare those Democrats!!!”

What Republicans are trying to pass is the same horse shit voter suppression laws Republicans passed in Georgia and that have been proposed in 42 other states in our nation. These laws are based on the lie there was massive voter fraud but they’re really a response to voter turnout and the fact fewer and fewer Americans are voting for Republicans. It’s easier to just change the laws than appeal to voters.

What Democrats are doing is trying to save voting rights.

When you listen to Republicans, they pretend like they’re trying to save voting rights and they love to toss around the term “voting integrity,” which is bizarre as fuck coming from fuckers with zero integrity. For example, lying and being dishonest about the racist shit you’re up to is not the kind of a thing one does if he or you have integrity. If Republicans truly believed they were doing the right thing, they’d stop FUCKING LYING about what they’re trying to do.

Last night, during the Major League Baseball All-Star Game, the Republican National Committee aired an ad on several different networks that was more annoying and aggravating than having to listen to Joe Buck call the All-Star Game.

During the game, some players were wearing an ear pierce and microphone so Joe Buck could interview them…while they were playing. It was like that time Celine Dion gave a concert and her husband who’s like 80 years older than her made her wear an ear piece so he could talk to her while she was singing. I bet at that time, she was wishing she had been on the Titanic.

The All-Star Game was scheduled for Georgia but MLB pulled and relocated it to Denver in response to Georgia’s racist voter suppression laws. Last night, the Republicans aired an ad of a former state legislature, who happens to be a black guy, blaming Democrats for the state losing the game, the income it would have generated, and that black people love and have boners for voter ID laws.

Let me remind Republicans that the black friend strategy only works on you guys. You always argue a person can’t be racist if that person has a black friend. History proves you can have a black friend and still be a racist. Strom Thurmond is one of the biggest racists in history yet, he loved having sex with black women. Adolph Hitler, who most people accept was a bigot and a racist and a huge promoter that Aryans are the “master race,” literally had a pact with Japan. In case you have to be told, Japanese people are NOT Aryans. Look it up.

Having a black friend doesn’t justify your racist bullshit.

In this stupid ad, the black friend only mentions voter ID when talking about the voter suppression laws. Hmmm. That’s odd. Why are so many people, Democrats, corporations, Major League Baseball, civil rights activists, and women, who if Strom Thurmond were still alive, would want to sleep with, upset over laws that are only about voter ID? Oh, yeah. That’s right. They’re NOT just about voter IDs. That’s just the only part Republicans like to mention.

What they leave out is they’re making it harder to vote. That while requiring IDs to vote, they’re closing DMVs in rural (black) counties where people can acquire acceptable IDs. They’re leaving out they’re making it harder to get IDs. They’re leaving out they are opposed to a national voter ID system. They’re leaving out that they’re for IDs while they’re against black people actually getting IDs.

That’s not the only shit they’re leaving out. They’re leaving out that they’re limiting the number of days to vote early. They’re limiting the number of drop boxes. They’re limiting the hours you can drop your ballot into a drop box. They’re removing all drop boxes on Sundays so black churches can’t use that time to bus people to drop off ballots.

While Republicans don’t want to “federalize” elections, they’re making it legal for Republican-controlled legislatures to overrule local election boards. They’re making it illegal to mail out mail-in ballot applications unless a voter requests one. By shutting down early voting, they’re working to make lines and the wait longer in urban (black) voting precincts. And then, they’re making it illegal to hand water to voters in those long lines Republicans have forced them into.

So, why didn’t your black friend in the MLB ad mention any of that shit? Here’s the thing, kids: If you have to lie to sell your evil bullshit, that means your bullshit is evil. It means you’re on the wrong side and you’re doing some hateful fucked-up shit.

It’s like you borrow a friend’s car and praise yourself to him that you refilled his gas tank…while leaving out there’s a dead transvestite hooker in the trunk.

The Democrats in Texas are trying to stop their state’s Republicans from leaving dead transvestite hookers in your car trunks…I mean, stop them from creating voter suppression laws. So, Texas Democrats fled to Washington, D.C. Republicans are lying about that too. They claim taxpayers are paying for it…but they’re not.

Now, Governor Abbott is threatening to arrest those Democrats because they are obstructing the Republicans’ efforts to pass racist bullshit voter suppression laws. I think that’s a great idea. No, really. Let’s arrest people who obstruct legislation.

Let’s arrest Mitch McConnell for his promise to obstruct President Barack Obama’s efforts to govern. McConnell said, during Obama’s first term, that his sole job was to make Obama a one-term president. Let’s arrest Mitch McConnell for blocking hearings and votes for Obama’s nominees to federal courts…including one to the Supreme Court. That bullshit was pretty obstructive. We can also arrest Moscow Mitch for stealing one from President Biden and for his promise to obstruct him.

We can also rack up a few charges on Mitch for using the filibuster. Hey, let’s arrest every Republican senator for that. While we’re at it, let’s arrest every Republican who voted against certifying the election. That was obstructive. Let’s arrest every Republican who voted against investigating the MAGA white nationalist terrorist attack on the Capitol. Let’s arrest every Republican who aided and abetted that white nationalist terrorist attack.

Let’s arrest Chip Roy. Since he is a Texas Congressman, Governor Abbott can put out an all-points bulletin for his arrest because Chippers said, “Eighteen more months of chaos and the inability to get things done. That’s what we want,” in regards to President Biden and the Democratic majority to pass legislation. He’s hoping they can win both chambers in 2022…so obstruct until then.

Finally, since Republicans are horny for arresting people fleeing Texas during a time of crisis…arrest Ted Cruz who fled to Cancun while his constituents were freezing their Texan balls off…and then blamed it all on his daughters. Here’s a fun fact: The United States has an extradition treaty with Mexico. That means, Mexican police can arrest Ted while he’s Cancun and deport his stupid sniveling deceitful cowardice ass back to the United States. And while he’s incarcerated, authorities can check just to make sure he’s not really the Zodiac Killer.

Also, Mexico…when you deport Ted Cruz back to his home nation, make sure it’s not Canada. They’re pissed enough at us.

If these arrests go down, I hope someone lets me know because I don’t want to miss my opportunity to let out a good, “Bwa-Ha-Ha-Ha!”

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