Button Envy

Teeny Weenie Tweety Diplomacy


cjones01042018

I was all set to draw a cartoon about the protests in Iran. I was looking forward to starting a streak of drawing cartoons that didn’t feature Donald Trump. Drawing two cartoons in a row without him is an accomplishment considering Trump weeks are kinda like dog years. I do get tired of the guy.

Then, yesterday morning Trump tweeted that Huma Abedin, an aide to Hillary Clinton (He misspelled “aide”) should go to prison, something about sailor pictures on submarines, the “deep state” Justice Department, and mentioned James Comey. Yes, all in one tweet. I think the entire world gave a collective “huh?” Covfefe was less confusing.

But, That didn’t trigger me to draw a cartoon about the guy. The person it should trigger is the Attorney General, Jeff Sessions. Sessions should exhibit independence and backbone, rip the president a new one, and defend his department and the career professionals from a right-wing conspiracy theory so stupid that it’s the equivalent of birtherism, pizzagate, and chemtrails.

Then, Trump tweeted that companies are giving “big bonuses” to their workers because of his tax cut. Of course the list of those companies does not include the Trump Organization.

The Twitter spree continued with a boast of how there were no commercial aviation deaths because of his “strict” policies on the industry. He said it was the “best and safest” year on record. Never mind the fact there hasn’t been any deaths in commercial aviation since 2010. Some people got beat up and dragged off planes last year, but no deaths. You’d think there would have been at least one heart attack on a private plane from someone eating nothing but Big Macs and KFC.

He also tweeted another attack at the “failing” New York Times and how they treat the president unfairly. This was just another rehash of his usual shtick.

He tweeted about Democrats and DACA. He claimed they were doing nothing for DACA, the program he’s trying to end.

He boasted about taking Jerusalem “off the negotiation table.” Yes, the best negotiator in the world took it off the table, and us out of the peace process. Good job.

Then, he posted a tweet that got me excited. He’s promising to announce “the Most Dishonest & Corrupt Media Awards Of The Year” next Monday. I really hope it includes a category for political cartoonists.

None of that ignited a need for a political cartoon. They were just his usual nonsense. It’s not like he was goading North Korea to fire a nuclear weapon, start World War III, trash the peace overture Kim Jong Un made to the South, and did it all with a poorly-veiled reference to the size of his penis.

And then, Trump goaded North Korea to fire a nuclear weapon, start World War III, trash the peace overture, and he did it while making a reference to his penis. Seriously. His penis.

Trump tweeted, “North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the ‘Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.’ Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!”

First off, we don’t know if your “button” works, and we don’t wanna know. We don’t even want to think about it. La-la-la-la! Some of us would like to eat again.

I’ve heard pundits question if Trump would actually start a nuclear war to distract us from the Russia investigation. Some people believe he wants to push that button. Others believe he’s just boasting, as if the world doesn’t know we have the largest nuclear arsenal and military on the planet. My belief is, he doesn’t think that far ahead or about anyone else. Donald Trump is selfish and he will put his own feelings, personal interests, his wallet, and his fragile ego before the safety and security of entire nations.

Hillary Clinton told us we shouldn’t trust the nuclear codes with a guy who is triggered by a tweet. She was right.

We know he’s immature, narcissistic, and not capable of being presidential. He’s proven that way before that stupid tweet. What shouldn’t be questioned anymore is his mental stability.

Trump voters should carry a heavy burdensome guilt for inflicting the Trump presidency upon us. It should have started on his first day when he sent Sean Spicer out to lie to the American public about crowd sizes. It should have intensified when his response to a terrorist attack in London was to attack that city’s mayor. Starting a feud with the mayor of San Juan after Puerto Rico was struck by a hurricane and a war widow after her husband’s death should have put them over the edge. Defending Nazis and endorsing a pedophile definitely should have sealed the deal. But, starting a nuclear conflict is something they can’t practice their sycophancy with.

If a war starts, Donald Trump’s cabinet should be shamed for not exercising their responsibility by removing a madman from office and away from that nuclear button. They should be convening at this very moment to remove Trump and send his orange ass back to Trump Tower where he’ll be free to embellish and perpetuate “alternative facts” and conspiracy theories to his heart’s delight. He can waste all the time he wants on his “dishonest media awards.” The lives of people in four nations depends on it.

Sure, that’ll leave us with the world’s biggest ass kisser as president, but Mueller will probably nail him too.

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch announced his retirement yesterday. After the tax cut vote, Hatch said Trump’s presidency may be the best ever, and he didn’t even smirk while saying it. Obviously, Orrin is retiring at the right time and belongs in a special home. Trump should join him.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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