Bump Stock


There’s something seriously messed up about you if you’re inspired to purchase a new gun accessory by a mass murderer. Whatever is wrong with you is no small thing.

After it was reported the Las Vegas shooter used bump stocks to modify about a dozen of the weapons used to kill 58 people, the small-penis collective rushed out to get their very own. It may make your semi-automatic rifle fire like a machine gun, but it won’t turn you into Ron Jeremy. Your bump stock won’t increase your chances of bumping uglies.

What exactly is a bump stock? It’s a device you attach to the butt of a rifle. It harnesses the gun’s natural recoil, and with the right hand grip it allows a shooter to push the rifle away from the body to bounce, or bump, the weapon into the trigger finger. Combine this with a magazine holding as many as 60 to 100 rounds and the shooter can fire dozens of rounds in seconds.

The bump stock doesn’t turn your gun into an automatic weapon, but it makes it act like one. With one of these devices combined with a high-capacity magazine, a shooter can kill 58 people in a crowd by shooting from a hotel room on the 32nd floor, and he doesn’t even have to aim.

There is now a call to ban these things. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan said he’s open to discussing this ban. He said he had never even heard of these things before, and he’s a sportsman. What the hell does being a sportsman have to do with shooting a gun as rapidly as possible? Are you trying to decapitate wildlife with your gun?

AR-15s and AK-47s are not made for “sportsmen.” They’re not even made for self-defense. These things are made to kill people, and to overcompensate for that small penis condition. I suppose an AK-47 is cheaper than a Porsche.

Several Republicans, including the dotard-moron in the White House, are open to discussing banning bump stocks. Even the NRA has said they’re open to regulating these things. There’s the catch. Regulating.

We don’t need to regulate bump stocks. We need to ban them. These things are legal to own and sell, though it’s illegal to actually use them. Do you want me to explain how that makes sense? I can’t.

The NRA issued a statement which partly reads, “the National Rifle Association is calling on the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE) to immediately review whether these devices comply with federal law.” They’re not calling for more legislation or a ban on bump stocks. They’re even blaming Obama for the legality of bump stocks.

The ATF approved the sale of bump stocks during the Obama administration. They felt they shouldn’t regulate them since they the invention did not technically alter a gun’s trigger mechanism. The NRA, Rush Limbaugh, Breitbart, and Kellyanne Conway, not letting a tragedy pass to get in more digs, are blaming Obama. Never mind the fact that legislation introduced by Senator Dianne Feinstein after the 2012 shooting of elementary students in Newtown, Connecticut would have banned the bump stock…but you know, Republicans killed that.

The NRA is clever, as there is more to their statement which shows their real goal. It reads, “[W]e urge Congress to pass National Right-to-Carry reciprocity, which will allow law-abiding Americans to defend themselves and their families from acts of violence.”

The NRA is jingling a shiny object in front of the public while calling for more laws to increase gun ownership. They are using the tragedy in Las Vegas to further the failed argument that more people with guns will stop bad guys with guns, though that never, ever, ever, ever, ever happens. It couldn’t have happened in Vegas. Do we really want a crowd of 20,000 people firing back at the Mandalay Hotel?

Let’s ban bump stocks but not lose focus while doing so. We need to also ban high-capacity magazines. Let’s stop selling semi-automatic weapons. You don’t need them for self-defense. Let’s put a limit on how many guns a single person is allowed to own, and let’s license and test people on a regular basis on their mental capacity and ability to own a gun. Let’s limit how much ammunition you can possess (if you’re such a good shot, you only need one bullet anyway). While we’re at it, let’s end all sales at gun shows. If that’s too complicated, then let’s just go ahead and end gun shows period. Let’s stop encouraging this national gun fetish we have that makes the rest of the world wonder just what the fuck is wrong with us.

Does this sound like I hate the Second Amendment? I don’t. Gun nuts love to say they’re “Second Amendment” people, which is a lie. It’s the only part of the Constitution they cling to, and they neglect a huge portion of that amendment. These fucknuts never cite the “well-regulated militia” part of the amendment. None of these people are in “well-regulated” militias. And, they all freak out when you bring up regulations.

The Second Amendment was written during a time when the most advanced gun was a musket. It’s as outdated as the Third Amendment, which states the government can’t put soldiers in your house. That amendment was a response to the British habit of lodging soldiers in private residences during the build up of the American Revolution. That would also explain why we threw all that tea into Boston Harbor. You want your morning tea, you snooty Brit? Go swim for it!

Quite frankly, the odds of you using a semi-automatic weapon to defend your family are about as good as Theresa May trying to board a bunch of Royal Marines in your spare bedroom.

There are plenty of rifles, shotguns, and pistols you can own. Nobody needs an Uzi. There are also pills you can take for your penis. Ask Wayne LaPierre. He can probably make some suggestions.

Creative notes: I like to come up with ideas for my cartoons that are so weird, basically no other cartoonist will be able to think of them. I probably actually succeed at it about one percent of the time. This one might fall into that. When I was drawing my cartoon about Trump and paper towels, I was worried someone else would have the same idea. This one, not so much. I mean, who else is going to put a bump stock in a Republican’s butt?

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