boxing

Punch Drunk Trump


CNN09122021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

So what happened Saturday?

On the 20th anniversary of 9/11, Donald Trump provided live ringside commentary during a boxing match that cost pay-per-view viewers $49.99. The real show was Donald Trump as the match was stopped in the middle of round one because the 58-year-old Evander Holyfield, who hadn’t boxed in over a decade, was in danger of being killed by his opponent, 44-year-old Vitor Belfort.

Donald Trump did not care about any this, just like he didn’t care when he put the lives of elected officials, Capitol Police, his cult, and his own vice-president in danger on January 6. As long as Trump gets paid and attention, Trump only cares about Trump.

The fight was originally planned to be a bout between Teófimo López where he was to defend his unified light heavyweight championship against George Kambosos Jr in California. The rights to air the fight was won by Triller, a poor man’s TikTok, for $6 million. Triller has been trying to get into the boxing game and wanted to be taken seriously, but shit happens.

The date for the fight was moved, then moved again, and then Lopez caught the coronavirus and Triller needed a replacement fight. With a week’s notice, they got Belfort vs. Holyfield. Originally, they had Boxing Hall of Fame announcer Jim Lampley to call the fight, which brought a lot of legitimacy to Triller’s presentation. For the pay-per-view replacement fight, he was replaced with Trump and Donald Trump Jr. So long, legitimacy.

I’m shocked that the boxing profession, known for its long storied history of honesty, being on the up-and-up, and a system that purges any and all associations with conmen, would do business with Trump and Trump (sarcasm).

After all this shit, the  the California State Athletic Commission refused to sanction it (because someone could possibly be killed in the ring). So the fight was moved to Florida where anything goes like riding in cars with alligators through drive-thru liquor stores.

Donald Trump also went to a fire station in Manhattan (probably on Triller’s private jet which the use of was part of his payment) on the 20th anniversary and attacked President Biden’s handling of Afghanistan and to claim he won the election.

Then, he released a video attacking President Biden for surrendering to the Taliban without mentioning our president (the real one) was abiding by a peace treaty that our fake president (Trump) had negotiated with…wait for it…the Taliban.

An article in The New York Times referred to the boxing match as “three hours of Trump recalling different boxers he’d known and been friends with, before two depressing top bouts, both over in the first round, each of which featured one washed-up fighter beating another.”

Ryan Kavanaugh (no relation to the rapey Kavanaugh that I’m aware of), whose company owns a majority stake in the Triller app, said he was negotiating with Barack Obama to be a commentator on a future boxing match. According to an Obama spokesperson, “There is no offer and no negotiation.” Triller cliaims there are emails and texts to prove there have been negotiations but refused to offer proof. It’s hard to believe that someone associated with Trump and Trump would be so dishonest and deceptive (sarcasm).

Since there’s probably no way in Hell President Obama is going to call a boxing match for Triller, and since they are in business with the Trump and Trump, I’m shocked they’re not already selling the PPV. Soon, I expect Donald Trump to take a gig like one of those old washed-up fighters who get paid to have their photos taken with gamblers. Of course, it won’t be at any Trump casinos because Donald bankrupted those.

If you bought Triller’s PPV to hear Trump bark for three hours and saw less than five minutes of boxing (I’m guessing here), then you’re a fool and a sucker…

…just like everyone who voted for Donald Trump.

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