Boulder Shooting

The Real Extremists


Cjones03262021

One of my cartoon copy editors (I have two) told me this cartoon hit on something that “distresses” her.

She wrote, “It’s become a competition after every mass shooting to see if the shooter is one of ours or one of theirs. If it’s one of theirs, that just shows how bad and depraved the other side is. If it’s one of ours, it’s because the shooter was somehow victimized by the other side. We’re so busy hating one another we can’t see that actual people are dying and it’s coming for us too.” And then she told me I didn’t have any typos.

She is absolutely right and it’s something I admit I think of with each shooting…and I know you do too. I also know the other side does it.

How do I know the other side does it? Because if it’s a white guy, especially one with a pro-Trump or racist manifesto (same thing really), they scream the guy was mentally unstable. If the guy isn’t white, then he’s a terrorist.

My first thought is not, “Is it one of theirs or one of ours?”. That’s because no mass shooter is one of ours. I’m not on the side of people who kill people. Even when a liberal shot Republican Steve Scalise, it wasn’t one of ours. That lunatic may have barked liberal philosophies, but he betrayed it by shooting someone.

For Republicans, all shooters are theirs. It doesn’t matter if the guy has a Republican manifesto and is driving around in a van covered with pro-Trump stickers and is an incel who gets rejected by his blow-up Barbie, or if he’s a bearded beanie Birkenstock-wearing Bernie Bro. Republicans bear responsibility for all shootings. And it’s not because white nationalists are the greatest terror threat in this nation (they are), but because Republicans refuse to do anything about the gun crisis (only immigrants at the border is a “crisis”) and they’re owned by the NRA.

The majority of Americans want gun control. Even the Second Amendment that Republican fucksticks keep barking about uses the term “well-regulated.” It’s kinda ironic the anti-regulation party bases their entire pro-gun spiel on a sentence that says guns should be “well-regulated.” Even back when there were only muskets that took two hours to load, the founding fathers thought regulating guns was a good idea.

But the Republican Party is controlled by the National Rifle Association. When elected officials serve a lobby, they’re not serving their constituents.

Yesterday, Ted Cruz, a guy with a face more punchable than Rand Paul’s, literally complained that every time there is a mass shooting, Democrats want to end mass shootings. Then he literally (we use “literally” a lot with Ted Cruz) argued using “thoughts and prayers” over doing anything substantial. He said proposing legislation was “ridiculous theater.”

Ted, when you left for Cancun wearing a generic face mask but returned home the next day after being called out and then being photographed with a Texas flag face mask, that face mask was “ridiculous theater.” “Ridiculous theater” was you staging photo-ops of loading water into cars while wearing the same Texas flag face mask. If Ted is ever caught cheating on Heidi, he’ll show up the next day with flowers and her face on a T-shirt. And then, Donald Trump can tweet that Melania’s face looks better on T-shirts.

Remember that crazy county clerk in Kentucky who wouldn’t certify gay marriages and was arrested for it? The day she got out of jail, Ted Cruz was there for a photo-op. THAT was “ridiculous theater.” And even she didn’t wanna be seen with Ted Cruz. Instead, she spent all day with Mike Huckabee.

Cancun Cruz argued in the Senate, “I don’t apologize for thoughts or prayers. I will lift up in prayer people who are hurting and I believe in the power of prayer, and the contempt of Democrats for prayers is an odd sociological thing.”

No, Ted. Your gun fetish is an odd sociological thing. That time you cooked bacon on a heated gun barrel of an assault weapon in a campaign commercial was an odd sociological thing. By the way, have you ever heard of a frying pan? That shit you peeled off the gun barrel was limper and more flaccid than…bacon from McDonald’s (you thought I was going somewhere else with that, didn’t ya’?).

Campaign commercials by Qanon congresswoman fucknut Marjorie Taylor Green shooting a sign reading “Socialism” with an assault weapon is an odd sociological thing. But hey, points for finding someone on her staff who can spell “socialism.”

Campaign commercials by Qanon congresswoman fucknut Lauren Boebert of her skulking through Washington with a gun holster on her hip and strapped to her fucking leg like the capital is high noon at the Fucknut Corral in Dodge City is an odd sociological thing.

Republican congressman and noted liar Madison Cawthorn’s commercials of him shooting assault weapons (plural) is an odd sociological thing.

Fuckwad Representatives demanding they should be allowed to take their guns anywhere in the Capitol building is an odd sociological thing. What are you afraid of, that Diane Feinstein’s gonna mug you for your lunch money?

I grew up with guns. I’m from the south so, duh. But I haven’t owned a gun since before my son was born in 1990. I had fun shooting guns and going hunting without killing anything with my best friend Ronnie when we were kids. Then I realized I didn’t like getting up early and sitting in a deer stand in the rain and the first time a deer crossed my path, which were two fawns, instead of shooting them, I named them (Spots and Spotsier. They had spots). Their mom followed and I named her Susan. I had two shot guns and a 22 rifle. My uncle, who sold me my 12 gauge, repossessed it when I didn’t finish paying for him for it (he had a lot of guns), and I realized I didn’t care. Soon after, I gave my rusty 410 (a pretty weak shotgun) to a neighbor and pawned my 22. I never really looked back or regretted getting rid of my guns. But Ronnie still loves his guns.

Today, Ronnie is in Alabama. I was friends with Ronnie’s wife, Lisa, back in the 80s before he met her and sometimes we still talk. I was having a conversation with her fairly recently and we were talking about Washington, DC and New York City. She told me Ronnie would never go to those places because he won’t go anywhere he can’t take a gun. To me, a guy who grew up with guns in the south and can understand it a little bit, that’s an odd sociological thing.

By the way, Ronnie still owes me a video of him crying that he promised before the election if Trump lost. I will also settle for a video of him doing the Little Wrong Man dance.

Anyway…guns. The fetish for them is an odd sociological thing. I don’t get the inability of being unable to leave your home without a gun. For me, it’s car keys, phone, wallet, and pants (when you spend all day without wearing pants during a pandemic, there’s always that one time you step outside forgetting to put on pants. Oddly enough, I had on shoes and socks).

Ted Cruz thinks wanting to do more than giving thoughts and prayers is an odd sociological thing. Ted, your face is odd.

Do you know what the best thing about “thoughts and prayers” is for Republicans? Ted says he believes in the power of prayer, despite the fact it’s not working. Proof? Ten people died from a mass shooting this week and another eight last week. The prayers didn’t stop it. Or maybe all the times they offered thoughts and prayers in the past, they just forgot to actually do it. But Ted and his fellow fetishists claim that giving some thoughts and some prayers are effective and it’s their excuse not to do anything that would actually be substantial in curbing gun violence. But the very best part of thoughts and prayers is…they don’t even have to prove they’re doing it.

I mean, Ted. When you close your eyes and try giving us the impression you’re praying, how do we know you’re actually praying for the victims…or even praying at all? For all we know, you’re thinking back to that banana monkey you had in Cancun while your state was freezing its lone star balls off. You could be thinking about soft and flaccid gun barrel bacon. Or maybe you’re thinking about a new way to kiss Donald Trump’s ass that would overshadow all other Republicans’ kissing of Donald Trump’s ass. Or maybe, when you’re pretending to pray, you’re trying to think of another way to use your daughters in another campaign commercial…or if you should throw them under the bus again the next time you’re caught being a sniveling weasel. You could be thinking about how to gaslight that you were ever in favor of overturning an election and had supported white nationalist terrorists. Maybe you’re asking God why crazy religious female zealots prefer Mike Huckabee over you. Maybe you’re thinking Trump was right to accuse your father of murder. Or maybe you’re wondering if your wife Heidi is truly as ugly as Donald Trump says she is. Maybe you’re asking your lord why he gave you that face. I have. Dear, Lord. Why did you give Ted Cruz that face?

It doesn’t matter what Ted or other Republicans are thinking, none of it will stop gun violence.

And seriously, God. Why did you give him that face? Did Ted turn into a total spineless shitweasel because he had to grow up with that face, or did God know he was going to suck, so he gave him that face? But even then, I doubt thoughts and prayers can do anything to help Ted’s face.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Boebert To Boulder


Cjones03252021

We’ve had two mass shootings in the span of a week. Last week, a shooter killed eight in Asian massage parlors in the Atlanta, Georgia area. Yesterday, another shooter killed ten in in a large supermarket in Boulder, Colorado. One of those killed was a cop.

Boulder enacted an assault weapon ban in 2018. What’s an assault weapon? It’s the type of gun someone would use to kill ten people in a supermarket. Ten days ago, a court blocked the ban.

The Colorado State Shooting Association, one of the plaintiffs that sued Boulder over the assault weapons ban, issued a statement saying, “There will be a time for the debate on gun laws. There will be a time for the discussion on motives. There will be a time for a conversation on how this could have been prevented. But today is not the time.”

To the Colorado State Shooting Association, and to everyone else who’s ever said, “Now is not the time,” I have to give a big “fuck you.” Fuck you and fuck your “now is not the time.” If there’s a mass shooting every week, then there will never be a time to debate gun laws. Stop using this as an excuse to abdicate your responsibility. Today is the time. Tomorrow will be the time. Next week will be the time. And every day before this shooting was the time to discuss gun safety…yet, you didn’t want to do it.

Here’s a question for the Colorado State Shooting Association: Was the shooter a member of your shooting association? I mean, from your name alone, it sounds like he would have qualified because he was a shooter.

There is one way to stop these weekly mass shootings and that is to get rid of assault weapons. And before you cry, “That won’t work,” let me point out, it’s worked everywhere in the world that it’s been tried. But you may be right in that it won’t work here because we have a gun fetish. There is no other nation in this world where its citizens want to fuck their guns as much as we do. We are a nation that is more comfortable with having children shot in schools than the idea of registering a gun.

For an example of American gun fetish, look at Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert. She’s just two cracked egg shells shy from being Marjorie Taylor Green in the Qanon fucknut division. While she doesn’t represent Boulder, geographically, her district covers half the state.

Boebert, like a lot of Republicans, is a deranged lunatic. She has close ties to the extremist militia group the Three Percenters, a group that’s 100 percent Nazi. They were involved in the terrorist attack on the U.S. Capitol.

She did an interview on a Qanon radio show (that’s a thing?) and said she was “very familiar” with the group and, “Everything I’ve heard of Q, I hope that this is real because it only means America is getting stronger and better.” She hopes that Democrats are eating babies with their pizza? Still, probably better than pineapple.

She repeated a conspiracy theory pushed by the conspiracy fucknut newspaper, The Epoch Times, that there were documents declassified by Trump that would soon spark massive resignations in the House and Senate, and Republicans would retake both chambers (this is the good part) BEFORE 2022. Also, Hillary Clinton will soon be arrested for something or other. Maybe that baby pizza thing.

During the white nationalist attack on the Capitol, Boebert tweeted details about the police response and attempted to help terrorists find the location of Speaker Nancy Pelosi. This would be like your guard dog showing burglars where you keep your safe and giving them the combination. She voted against certifying the election based on the lie it was stolen from Trump and has been accused of helping instigate the attack…probably because she helped instigate the attack.

During the Conservative Political Action Conference a few weeks ago, she enlisted other members of the House to vote for her due to the coronavirus…but she was actually at CPAC helping to spread Qanon and Trump conspiracy bullshit.

When she’s not aiding racist anti-government terrorists to attack our nation, she enjoys zooming with her guns.

Boebert is a gun nut. She claims she has to carry a gun at all times, even when speaking on the House floor, because someone was beaten to death outside the restaurant she owns in Colorado (where every customer gets to shoot their entrée before consuming it). The fact is, someone was in an altercation several blocks from her restaurant, and after running away, collapsed in front of her place from what an autopsy determined was methamphetamine intoxication.

By the way, her restaurant is Shooters Grill in the town of Rifle. I swear to God and on all my guitars, I did not make that up. One of the Yelp reviews says, “Hey y’all, if diarrhea is your favorite way to expel calories, you’ve found your shortcut to weight loss right here!” Do they have country fried steak? I was going to post the link to the restaurant but Google says it’s not safe….just like the restaurant.

Boebert is a big fan of not just carrying a gun, but posing with it. She made a video of herself (since Republicans like using this word, we’ll use it for them) PARADING while smirking with a gun strapped to her hip. She has made a huge issue of averting metal detectors in the Capitol and has become a right-wing fucknut hero over her gun brandishing.

Boebert claims if she’s prohibited from carrying a gun into a House Natural Resources Committee hearing (which I’m assuming she’s on), then the chairman of the committee, Raul Grijalva, must pay for her personal protection, as in hiring security guards to follow her around. These people who are afraid to even do a Zoom call without a gun accuse others of being cowards for wearing face masks. “Afraid to leave the house are ya’?” while they have Glocks hidden in their ass cracks.

She said, “The chairman is trying to take responsibility for my personal safety while stripping away my Second Amendment rights.” I have read the Second Amendment multiple times and I haven’t found the part where it states you can carry a gun into any room or building you want to. The greatest danger you’re going to face in the United States Capitol is if a far-right racist terrorist group attacks it. Maybe she’s afraid that if that happens, someone will tweet out her location. Quick! Grab the ass Glock!

There is a regulation that exempts members from a federal law banning firearms on the Capitol grounds. But, weapons are still prohibited on the House floor. This has not stopped a gun fucker like Boebert from being a pistol-packing mama on the House floor.

During a Zoom meeting of the committee she’s on, Boebert made sure to use her gun fetish as her background (while I struggle for my apartment not to look like a warehouse during my Zoom meetings or keep my bed from appearing). Boebert had several guns right behind her head. When the committee resumes meeting in person again, she intends to bring her guns with her unless a Democrat pays for her security detail.

Representative Jared Huffman said, “Here’s the reality — if somebody wants to have a shrine to their gun fetish as a Zoom backdrop in their private life, they can do that, but this is our hearing room. At some point we will get past the COVID epidemic and we’ll all start showing up in person and our safety and our ability to conduct business civilly without feeling threatened is a relevant consideration, unfortunately.”

And her fellow House members should feel threatened by her. Why? Because she is a security threat. She’s packing a gun, supporters terrorist groups, and let me remind you…helped terrorists attack Congress. So yeah….members of Congress should be very aware of how dangerous she is.

Members of Congress deserve to feel safe and not live in fear of being shot by a raving lunatic while on the House floor or in committee meetings. Also, you should feel safe not to get blasted by an automatic weapon by a maniac while you’re going to school, the movies, or shopping. All three of those have been the scene of a mass shooting in Colorado.

I have three newspapers in Colorado who subscribe to my cartoon service. They are The Colorado Reporter in Denver, the Colorado Springs Independent, and Boulder Weekly. I hope all my friends in Boulder are safe and my thoughts are with them.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw.