Bigly

Biting Bigly


cjones11022016

Donald Trump isn’t just a hypocrite. He’s an amazing hypocrite. He contradicts himself in basically every sentence that escapes from his face hole.

He’ll call Hillary Clinton a liar while stating he’s leading in a poll in New Mexico. He’ll slam the Clinton Foundation for being corrupt while his Trump Foundation is buying him Tim Tebow’s autographed “I Love Jesus” jock strap. He’ll state how much he respects women then proceed to tell us his latest accuser is too fat for him to sexually assault.

Amazing! Couldn’t Republican primary voters and Vladimir Putin find a better candidate than this?

So while he’s telling his supporters how the election is rigged and massive voter fraud will be taking place, the only way to combat it is if they commit voter fraud. In Colorado he’s encouraging his supporters to do the mail-in ballot thing, and then go to the polls and vote. He claims that’s to double-check to make sure their vote is counted and their first vote will be voided, but Colorado doesn’t work that way. Another way Colorado doesn’t work is that Trump will win the state. He’s got about as much of a chance winning Colorado as he does winning that state with the word “Mexico” in it.

Widespread voter fraud is a myth. But occasionally an individual will try to manipulate the system. It happened in Iowa last week where the state is currently engaged in early voting. A woman went to one polling station and voted and then stopped by a satellite office and voted again. Turns out she’s a Trump supporter.

Maybe Trump is right and we should have poll watchers to make sure his supporters aren’t cheating. They’re deplorable, ya know.

Time for a rant about creating this cartoon:

This cartoon took me five hours to draw. Five hours. Usually they don’t take more than three. Why did this cartoon take five hours? One word answer: Microsoft.

For those not in the know, and not that it’s important to you, but I don’t draw on paper anymore. For the past six months I’ve been creating these things on a Surface Pro. It’s really cool though I’m still getting used to drawing on a smaller scale and on glass. I don’t plan to go back to paper, though I was really missing it this morning.

The pen used to draw on a Surface Pro has to be synced with the system and it takes a battery. An AAAA battery. That’s four A’s, which apparently very few places carry.

I started drawing around midnight and about 1:30 AM the pen decided to stop working. At first I thought the computer had frozen because it’s done that before. I rebooted the computer and the pen still wouldn’t work. Then I realized the computer wasn’t frozen as my finger would work on the touch screen. Well I can’t draw a cartoon with my finger. Seriously, Microsoft. The $60.00 pen has to be synced but it recognizes a finger? I’m gonna give Microsoft a finger.

I went to trouble shoot. I checked the battery life (It lets you do that) and it said it was at 72%. The button on the pen would still work but it wouldn’t draw. I went to Microsoft’s website and it said I needed a new battery. So, I took a ten-minute walk to Sheetz through a neighborhood where people occasionally engage in shootouts with police. Guess which battery Sheetz does not carry? I took another ten-minute walk home, cursing all the way, to see how much more trouble shooting I could do.

I get home and check the battery in the nose-hair trimmer. Dammit as that one is a triple-A battery. I attempt to continue with the trouble shooting and cursing and the Surface doesn’t want to turn on. Then it finally turns on and wants to run updates, which it likes to do every other day apparently, usually in the middle of a project. It runs the update very slowly. It’s at 17%. I go make coffee, use the restroom, throw in a load of laundry, watch half an episode of Family guy, eat some left-over Halloween candy. It’s at 19%. I do a little more cursing. Finally it reboots. Then my art program freezes. I reboot again. It freezes again. I reboot again. I curse some more. Finally, it worked….and so did the pen. I promise you, I have never opened a suspicious file or watched porn on this thing.

It’s a really good thing I was able to save the cartoon when I first experienced problems (I saved it with my finger) or I would have totally forgot what I was doing (I think it had a fish in it?). I finally completed the cartoon around 5:00 AM.

I love my Surface Pro. I love my Surface Pro. I love my Surface Pro. I love my Surface Pro. I love my….Grrrrrr.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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Bad Hombres, Nasty Woman, Debate Goes Bigly


cjones10222016

Choose your Twitter hashtag for the night. You can choose from #BadHombres, #NastyWoman, or #Bigly. These are contributions from Donald Trump during the third and last presidential debate from the 2016 election.

What’s the biggest takeaway from the last presidential debate for election 2016? Trump having high praise for Vladimir Putin and encouragement toward Bashar al-Assad, but doesn’t have faith in the American election system.

Trump had fewer sniffles and better poise than in his previous two debate performances, but he came off like he was impersonating Alec Baldwin impersonating him.

Spouting off falsehoods such as the State Department losing $6 billion dollars under Hillary’s watch, it’s obvious Trump went to the Breitbart school of debate coaching. How can Trump keep track of how much money the state department loses when he can’t keep track how much his daddy loaned him? He continues the claim it’s $1 million when it’s somewhere between $14-17 million.

About thirty minutes after saying he has the “greatest respect for women” Trump interrupted Hillary Clinton with “such a nasty woman.” He continued to deny accusations from women of his uninvited kissing and groping and claimed he didn’t know any of his accusers, despite there being plenty of tape to prove him wrong in some cases. He even said he didn’t apologize to his wife because he never did anything wrong, though earlier in the week Melania claimed Trump had apologized to her. Maybe her English isn’t so good and she thought she heard “sorry” when Donald actually said “I don’t dig fat chicks.”

Regarding his accusers, Trump claimed they were doing it for the fame of being groped by Donald Trump. Maybe that’s why Bob Dylan has remained silent on his Nobel. He’s waiting to be known for something greater, like being the beneficiary of a Trump grope.

Trump also bombed during the abortion segment when he talked about babies being ripped from their mother’s wombs on the last day before their birth. The segment started about Supreme Court appointments and Trump’s first comment on it, and in the debate, was to whine that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had insulted him. So his answer is he won’t appoint anyone who will hurt his feelings. Shit.

Hillary Clinton was there too and did a fine enough job. Did she put Trump away? Not as much as Trump probably put himself away. At one point moderator Chris Wallace told Clinton to stop talking so Trump could continue interrupting her. I thought she made her best point of the evening when she said “Trump would rather believe Vladimir Putin than 17 U.S. intelligence agencies.” Trump continued to claim the U.S. doesn’t know who is behind the recent hacks, which is like claiming eggs don’t come from chickens. “Eggs come from cows. I’ve seen the cows. They were the most marvelous cows and they’ll be yuge after I’m president. Then I milked the cows, but only the pretty ones and only after given expressed permission.”

When Clinton said Trump would be a puppet for Putin he replied, “uh uh…you’re the puppet.” I was waiting for “I know you are but what am I?”. He also repeated his constant one-word interruptions of “wrong” throughout the night.

To top all that off, he challenged people to prove he made quotes he denied ever making, which of course he has made. Such as when he denied saying Japan and South Korea should have nuclear weapons, which is something he has said.

The most talked about aspect of the debate analysts focused on afterward came near the end. Trump refused to say whether he will accept the results of the election. This is the first time we’ve ever had a major party candidate challenge the results before the actual election.

After the election I’m sure Trump will say it was manipulated by bad hombres and nasty woman but one word will perfectly describe the size of his defeat.

Bigly.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!