Big Papi

Going Dominican


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Does Donald Trump really hate immigrants from south of our border, or is the racism just an easy way to rile up support from racist people in this nation? Does he really want a border wall to keep out brown people, or does he just want it to prove he keeps his promises and as a monument to himself? Maybe he envisions it named after him as a racist monument, much like that new racist monument stolen from Palestinians named Trump Heights.

I think all the above is true. He’s a racist, he’s using hate to build support from fellow stupid racists, he wants a racist monument named after him, and he really wants to deport as many brown people as possible. He is the man who complained about people coming here from “shithole countries.” Then, he screamed about building a wall between the United States and Haiti.

Monday, Trump sent out a stupid racist tweet stating, “Next week ICE will begin the process of removing the millions of illegal aliens who have illicitly found their way into the United States. They will be removed as fast as they come in.” How can they be removed as “fast as they come in” if they’re going to remove “millions?” Last February saw an 11-year high for unauthorized entry into the United States at 76,000. If you are a Republican, that is not a million. So, if millions are to be deported, it’s not “as fast as they come in.”

For ICE, good luck catching all those immigrants after Trump sent out that warning. But, they probably can’t round up a “million” anyway. From the agency’s own data, ICE is averaging 7,000 deportations a month from the interior of the United States (if you’re a Republican, “interior” means from the inside, not coming in at the border). Trump’s policies haven’t deterred immigrants from coming to the U.S., it’s encouraged them. Illegal entry is at an all-time high. ICE is facing a shortage of funds and detention beds, so a large-scale push to arrest and deport “millions” of migrants would be exorbitantly expensive and highly unlikely. But, that’s not really important when you’re making that claim for political purposes.

Trump claims the border wall is being built. It’s not. Regardless of facts, his cult believes him. So, he can lie about millions being deported just like he lied about caravans. His supporters will believe him. Hell, he can even claim he’s going to ship them all to the Dominican Republic. It’s not like Sarah Huckabee Sanders is going to be around to hold a press briefing and tell us the truth….or be around to not tell us the truth…or hold a press briefing. Is anyone going to notice she’s gone?

With the latest news coming out about the Carribean nation (if you’re a Republican, I mean the Dominican Republic), the Trump cult would love the idea of sending Central American immigrants there. Nine American tourists have died in various hotels in the Dominican Republic this year. In addition, retired Red Sox star David “Big Papi” Ortiz was recently shot in the capital, Santo Domingo.

With tourism crucial to the nation, authorities are quick to point out that over 600,000 tourists visited their nation within the first two months of 2019, with 65 percent of that being from the U.S. So, their new slogan is, “Come to the Dominican Republic where you probably won’t die.”

And, if you come to the U.S. from the Dominican Republic, or south of the border, you probably won’t be deported immediately, but you will be demonized by an orange, screaming, racist manbaby.

Totally unrelated note: A huge Great White Shark was spotted off the coast of New Jersey this week eating bait off a boat. So that state’s new tourism slogan is, “Come to New Jersey where you probably won’t be eaten, but you’ll still be in New Jersey.” That’s for Amanda, who has been in New Jersey all week and is leaving today…when I just gave her the information about the shark. I’m useful like that.

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