Beans

Ivanka Beans


cjones07192020

I love seeing posts on social media from white conservatives swearing they’ll replace Goya’s Hispanic and Latino customers which leads them to ask, “Where can I find it?”.  White people, it’s on that aisle you never go down and in case you’re a Republican, “INTL” means “international.”

See, they’ve never bought it before and when they do find it, it’ll sit at the back of their cupboards until the end of time or until they take it to their white church’s food drive where it’ll end up at the back of some other white conservative’s cabinet. Let’s face facts: Even if you can eat it, you’re not going to know what to do with it. You’re going to be like Ivanka Trump. She has a job in the White House and she doesn’t know what to do with it.

Ivanka is pretty and has presented herself as the reasonable Trump. Some bought that ridiculous bullshit for a while but the ruse is over. She’s just as stupid and vile as the rest of them.

She’s stupid, along with her brothers, as they didn’t know how to vote. Seriously. They went to vote for their daddy in the New York Republican primary in 2016 and found out they couldn’t because they were registered in the Democratic Party. Think about it. Why should someone have a government job when they can’t even figure out how to vote? If you really believed in a candidate, wouldn’t you make sure you knew how to support him…especially if that candidate was your jackass father?

She’s vile too. She promised to be the advocate for women issues in the White House, yet she’s remained silent on the over two dozen allegations of her father sexually assaulting women. She came out against Alabama Republican Senate Candidate, renowned pedophile, and mall foodcourt aficionado until her daddy defended him. Then, once again, she was silent. While children were being ripped apart from their parents at the border with 1,500 being unaccounted for, she tweeted a sweet and loving glamour photo of her and her son with a big heart emoji.

She doesn’t miss a beat when traveling with her father on international trips. She made sure her face was seen in a window at Buckingham Palace, another historic building she doesn’t belong in, and also took advantage of her position to step into North Korea, a place where she can belong, just to be able to say she did it.

At international conferences, she joins conversations on serious matters with world leaders and pretends she knows the subjects. Her father has had her sit in on cabinet meetings. You could put one of those bubonic squirrels the press alerted us to yesterday at one of these meetings and it couldn’t get more nutty.

Ivanka’s qualifications for being an adviser to the president (sic) is that she’s the president’s daughter. Unless there’s a serious international incident with handbags, I don’t see where her expertise will ever be necessary. The same goes for her dipshit stupid jackoff husband, Jared. He’s been placed in policy ranging from immigration to peace in the Middle East to a response to the coronavirus where he told us the federal stockpile of PPE was “our stockpile” and not for the states. Can we have the squirrel?

Jared has been a worm in his position in that he’s been conducting secret talks with foreign powers outside of the State Department and undermining the Secretary of State. His family’s company has also been given bailouts by foreign governments, just like Ivanka’s products continue to be granted patents in China. Between the election and inauguration, dumbass Jared went to the Russian embassy and proposed they create a backchannel to communicate so U.S. intelligence couldn’t listen in. Why would he want that? And even that discussion was caught by our intelligence. He’s using WhatsApp to talk to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.

Jared and Ivanka do not belong in the White House. To help unknowingly make that case, Ivanka is in charge of a new jobs program called “Try Something New.” A new ad debuted yesterday of people who couldn’t get jobs in their old careers, so they just got new ones. Who knew all you had to after losing your job was find something else to do? I’m sure half of the nation’s population without a job because of her dad’s lousy response to the coronavirus will appreciate that information. By the way, did you know you can quit drugs by just saying “no?”

While we were trying to absorb a “jobs program” from a person who has never had to apply or interview for a job in her entire fucking life, telling us to “try something new,” she released another glamour shot. This one of her holding a can of Goya black beans in the style of game show hostess. There was no “My heart” with this one but her love of black beans seems about as genuine as the pic of her with her son.

This photo, which will just endear itself to the Hispanic and Latino community to change their minds about boycotting the products after its president praised Donald Trump’s “leadership,” is a violation of the Hatch Act.

Government employees can’t promote products though I’m sure nothing will come of it because nothing did when Kellyanne Conway went on TV and hawked products for Ivanka…or that time a Trump property was promoted at WhiteHouse.org. In fact, the non-partisan Citizens for Ethics and Accountability in Washington found 3,241 conflicts of interest from the Trump administration. Basically, it’s all self-dealing.

And now, Ivanka has used her position to pimp Goya. If you’re the president of Goya, or own stock in it, you’re probably going to want the Trumps to stop promoting your product, which Donald Trump has also done on Twitter. You don’t want the people responsible for jails for brown babies promoting your product aimed at brown people. That would be like putting John Wayne Gacy on a box of cereal. Who’s crazy for Coco Puffs?

I don’t think people are going to line up and start eating black beans because Ivanka posed with a can of them. A can of black beans I’m certain weren’t already in her cabinet before the boycott, and that someone had to purchase for her. But hey, maybe she’ll actually open the can and give them a try.

Can openers come with instructions, right?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

 

Goya


cjones07152020

There hasn’t been this much of a kerfuffle over beans since Blazing Saddles (that’s not mine. I stole it from CNN’s Michael Smerconish).

Robert Unanue, the president of Goya, the largest Hispanic-owned food company in the country, said the country was “blessed” to have the president’s (sic) leadership.  Unanue was visiting the White House for a photo-op and compared Donald Trump to his grandfather, an immigrant from Spain who founded the food company in 1936. “We’re all truly blessed at the same time to have a leader like President (sic) Trump.”

Did Unanue’s grandfather immigrate from Spain and inherit Goya? Did his grandfather get loan after loan after loan from his father because he couldn’t run a business? Did his grandfather declare bankruptcy multiple times? Did he take loans from banks propped up by Russia? Did his grandfather refuse to pay contractors? Did his father grab them by the coño? If none of that is true, then what the fuck does the founder of Goya have in common with Trump?

Unanue’s praise was empty. He didn’t cite any specifics for Trump’s “leadership,” which is the word everyone who enters the White House is demanded to say. Unanue may as well have praised Donald Trump for being tall and for standing upright…mostly. And what’s the deal with praising his “leadership” during a pandemic he has mostly ignored and lied about? That’s not leadership.

Now, there is a call to boycott Goya which pains a lot of Hispanics and Latinos in doing so because this is a product they grew up with. Lina Baez-Rosario immigrated to this nation as a child from the Dominican Republic (a place Donald Trump couldn’t find on a map). She told The New York Times her parents cooked with familiar flavors from her home nation to keep her memories alive, and those flavors were found in Goya.

Baez-Rosario said, “If we are the main source of income, if you are targeting us and you are marketing toward us, then your responsibility is to every Latino person, at least in the United States.” That’s the basics of the boycott.

They say, know your market. For example: Donald Trump knows his market which is why he caters to racists who hate brown people. It seems the president of Goya, a company that is supported by brown people should fucking get that and not praise a guy who rips their families apart, throws their kids in cages, calls their nations “shitholes,” and defines those coming to the United States as “rapists” and “murderers.”

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweeted, “Oh look, it’s the sound of me Googling ‘how to make your own Adobo.'”

Goya put out a statement praising itself for donating 1 million cans of chickpeas and 1 million pounds of other products to food banks across the nation. Unanue said, “We are committed to our country and the need to give back because it is the right thing to do.”

On that note, Gonzolo Guzman, a chef in San Francisco said, “There are people out there that say they support the immigrant community, but at the end, money is stronger.” Yadira Garcia, founder and executive chef of Happy Healthy Latina said, “It’s really not a for-us by-us product. It’s just marketed to us like it is.”

Garcia criticized Goya’s lack of diversity saying, “You can’t just tell a part of our story and exalt a part of our story, and also profit off our pain and our joys, but not really truly be inclusive in our community. You can take our money, but we don’t have a seat at their table.”

The president of Goya went on Fox & Friends, who I’m sure find Tostitos mild salsa too spicy, and said, “I’m not apologizing for saying — and especially when you’re called by the president of the United States — you’re going to say, ‘No, I’m sorry, I’m busy. No thank you’?” Yes. You say, “No fucking thank you, you racist orange gob of malignant shit cancer.” When this racist president (sic) calls you to come to Washington to kiss his ass, that’s exactly what you say. But then again, Unanue inherited his company too, so maybe he has more in common with the Donald Trumps of the world than the Latino/Hispanic community.

And then, Donald Trump tweeted, “I love Goya Foods.” In case you’ve never seen an unendorsement, that’s one right there. First off, Donald Trump, Mr. Taco Bowl, doesn’t eat Goya. This is a guy who has to have the menu at Taco Bell interpreted (in case you’re a Republican, “taco” means taco).

Ted Cruz tweeted, “Goya is a staple of Cuban food. My grandparents ate Goya black beans twice a day for nearly 90 years. And now the Left is trying to cancel Hispanic culture and silence free speech.” This motherfucker, born in Canada, said in 2016, “boycotting is a peaceful protest.” Andrew Kleefeld of Media Matters tweeted, “Ted Cruz has done more to stand up for canned beans than he’s done to stand up for his wife.” Also, Ted…your grandparents on your father’s side lived in Cuba. Did they have Goya, a U.S. product, in Cuba? Maybe you’re talking about your mother’s white parents, the Wilsons. And Goya was founded in 1936 (84 years ago) so how did your grandparents eat it twice a day for nearly 90 years? Fucking liar.

The rest of the idiotic Trump base got upset about the boycott and pointed out how immature and destructive they are. Many of them pointed out that they would NEVER boycott a company for its opinion or actions.

Just last week, these fuckers were boycotting NASCAR over the Confederate flag. They once boycotted Starbucks because they didn’t put Santa Claus on a cup. I’m sure you’ve never heard a conservative say he was boycotting the NFL. Remember when they all destroyed their Keurig coffeemakers when the company pulled its advertising from Sean Hannity’s racist show for troglodytes? How about their boycott and destruction of Yeti Coolers for parting ways with the National Rifle Association? If you’re a conservative, are you still wearing Nikes after their endorsement of Colin Kaepernick…or still subscribing to Disney Plus? How dare they boycott Disney Plus after Ted Cruz’s grandparents have been watching it twice a day for the last 90 years.

The Heritage Foundation, the OFFICIAL obnoxious non-profit think tank of conservatism, published a column in 2018 saying conservatives MUST boycott companies that aren’t friendly to conservative assholes. For something a bit more recent, Gator Country, which probably isn’t the official mouthpiece for anything including actual alligators, published a list last June of companies to boycott.

The conservative asshole alligator guys list corporations like Starbucks, Netflix, Nike, Ben & Jerry’s, and link to another site, Investing Advice Watchdog that does the actual research for a full list of companies it describes as “anti-Trump.” Warning. It’s not a short list.

Trump sycophants are against boycotts except when they’re for them. That jives with being a fucknut shitweasel MAGAt because they already lying hypocrites who are full of shit.

So, on that note. Boycott Goya, when Trump calls, say “no,” and Ted Cruz is still a slimy lying shitweasel of a human being who’s probably never eaten a black bean in his slimy shitweasely life.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.