Baby Jails

Fun With Faux Outrage


cjones12082019

The party that gave us baby jails is outraged that a liberal college professor would inject Trump’s youngest child, Barron, into politics and make jokes at his expense. Except the college professor didn’t do that.

Constitutional law expert Pamela Karlan was testifying before the House Judiciary Committee to give her opinions on impeachment. While answering a question from Democratic representative Sheila Jackson Lee, she invoked Barron’s name to make a point. Not one single Republican seemed to get the point.

Lee asked Karlan about the comparison “between kings that the Framers were afraid of and the president’s conduct today.” Karlan answered, “Contrary to what President Trump says, Article Two does not give him the power to do anything he wants. The Constitution says there can be no titles of nobility, so while the president can name his son Barron, he cannot make him a baron.” How dare she point out that Donald Trump has a son named Barron.

Representative Matt Gaetz, whose inclusion on the committee proves Republicans don’t take it seriously, was indignant. Gaetz is the kind of guy who thinks he’s made a strong point after making an ass out of himself. Earlier this week, he was indignant that the Republican governor of Georgia would appoint someone to the Senate that Trump didn’t endorse. Gaetz, who is from Florida, tweeted, “You are ignoring his request because you THINK you know better than @POTUS.” How dare someone think they know better than Donald Trump, especially concerning their own state. But Gaetz’s best outrage of the week was for Professor Karlan.

He screamed at her, “Let me also suggest that when you invoke the president’s son’s name here. When you try to make a little joke out of referencing Trump, that does not lend credibility to your argument. It makes you look mean. It makes you look like you’re attacking someone’s family. The minor child of the president of the United States.” Her sin was stating Trump has a son named Barron.

Here’s the funny thing about this phony outrage over someone saying Trump’s son’s name: Republicans are hypocrites.

Where’s Gaetz’s outrage over ripping children from their families at the border? It’s non-existent. For that matter, where’s Melania’s outrage?

Melania, or someone with her Twitter password, tweeted, “A minor child deserves privacy and should be kept out of politics. Pamela Karlan, you should be ashamed of your very angry and obviously biased public pandering, and using a child to do it.” The fun part of this is that Melania just used her son to go after her husband’s political foes. Republicans are always guilty of what they accuse others.

But where’s Melania’s outrage over family separation, or Trump boasting about barging into the dressing rooms of teenage beauty pageant contestants, or when he tweeted an attack at 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg?

White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham got in on the act and tweeted, “Classless move by a Democratic ‘witness’. Prof Karlan uses a teenage boy who has nothing to do with this joke of a hearing (and deserves privacy) as a punchline. And what’s worse, it’s met by laughter in the hearing room. What is being done to this country is no laughing matter.” Keep in mind, that these people who don’t understand the joke are constantly explaining to us when Trump is joking.

Charlie Kirk, a friend to Trumpy Jr., tweeted, “The left has complained for 2 months it is unethical to attack 49 year old Hunter Biden yet they now shamelessly attack 13 year old Barron Trump. This is the left, they don’t care about people, children, or America, only destroying Trump.” Just a couple months ago, Kirk accused Thunberg (remember, she’s only 16) of supporting “domestic terrorism.”

Fox News’ Laura Ingraham (this is getting too good) tweeted, “Karlan’s cheap shot invoking Baron Trump’s name just lost them any shred of hope that they’re going to win this impeachment battle in the court of public opinion.” Ingraham was outraged, but not enough to bother learning how to spell Barron’s name. Let me remind you, Ingraham taunted David Hogg, who many Republicans accused of being a “crisis actor,” over his college rejections.

Other Republicans pounced. Pence pounced. The Trump campaign pounced. One Republican congressman even entered Melania’s tweet into the Congressional Record.

Immigrant children, survivors of school shootings, and teenage climate activists are all fair game for attacks from Republicans. The rule is, don’t even say the name of a Republican’s child.

A cartooning colleague of mine, who is a level-headed guy, said Karlan messed up because she fed the GOP, Trump cult, and Fox News hosts’ fake outrage for the next six months. But I have an issue with that. Why should we change the rules because Republicans are idiots and liars? Apparently, we did change the rules because Karlan apologized before the hearing was over, which of course no Republican bothered to acknowledge, just like Trump isn’t a king, can’t make Barron a baron, or that “Barron” is the name Trump used to use when he’d call reporters pretending to be someone else to talk about himself.

Melania’s campaign as First Lady is titled “Be Best,” which is an anti-bullying campaign. This is why it’s hard to create satire on this administration. The thing Republicans are best at is pretending to be victimized.

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New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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FEMA Gets ICY


cjones09172018

I don’t want to deal you a total shocker, but the Trump administration doesn’t care about you. Donald Trump’s biggest concern is how he is perceived at doing the job he has no interest in doing. Most of Trump’s talk about the incoming hurricane is about how great he’s handled previous hurricanes.

Only three percent of Puerto Rico’s residents say Trump did an “excellent” job responding to Hurricane Maria. Trump claims he got “A pluses” for the job he has done with hurricanes, but to be fair, “Hurricane” may be the first name of several strippers he’s known over the years.

Trump has about as much empathy for hurricane victims as he does for immigrant children. A union representing the country’s 350 immigration judges slammed Attorney General Jeff Sessions for comments he made that suggested they were sidestepping the law and showing too much sympathy when handling certain cases. This is one area where Trump is very happy with Sessions. We can’t have too much sympathy over babies in jail or representing themselves in court.

Now, comes breaking news that the Trump administration has moved $10 million from FEMA to ICE to pay for immigrant detention and deportation. It’s not just ICE where they’re playing this shell game to incarcerate brown babies. They have shifted $200 million from other agencies for incarceration and deportation. Trump hates immigrants so much, that ICE has blown its budget. It’s an asshole agenda.

What became of the claim that conservatives are fiscally responsible? Oh, yeah! That claim has been around forever, it just hasn’t been factual. But, hey. There’s no better time to defund FEMA right before hurricane season. This is the sort of decision brought to you by the same people who thought Trump deodorant would be a big seller. Because everybody wants to smell like Donald Trump. Now, you too can smell like an old racist who’s been in bed all day with cheeseburgers.

FEMA claims none of the money came from their response unit, but that’s actually a lie. Brock Long, the head of FEMA, says there’s “no story here.” But, keep in mind, he is a Trump appointee.

If you’re a Trump supporter and hurricane survivor this year, take comfort that you’ve sacrificed your community to throw more brown babies in jail. Actually, you probably will.

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Baby Prison Nightmares


cjones06262018

We’ve had tension and threats of war with North Korea since that nation was created at the start of the Korean War. Donald Trump took it to new heights when he started calling his fellow narcissist childish names like “Little Rocket Man” and threatened “fire and fury,” and Kim Jong Un returning the favor with “dotard.” After their summit, which didn’t produce anything concrete except blank checks that will have to be cashed at a later date, Trump took credit for defusing the situation. It was a crisis Trump created.

Now he wants credit for ending another crisis he created.

For the past six weeks, Trump, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, and Department of Homeland Security Director Kirsten Nielsen have waged a no-tolerance policy against people committing the misdemeanor of entering the nation illegally. Border Patrol can no longer use discretion in charging migrants with a crime, thus separating families. Border Patrol has backed up checkpoints, forcing migrants to enter at other points seeking asylum from violence in their own country, thus forcing them to break our laws before they can request asylum. From there, they are arrested and Trump and Company throw children, even babies and toddlers into detainment centers featuring murals of Trump, which are former Walmarts and tent camps in deserts.

Trump thought it was a great idea to hold children for ransom to get his border wall. Though, to win the optic war he would have to claim the policy was created by Democrats and the baby prisons were actually “tender age” detention centers.

Who could have seen the public would react so negatively to families being ripped apart and baby prisons? Apparently, the new normal isn’t ready for that yet.

Nielsen claimed the policy didn’t exist. Then she said the policy that didn’t exist couldn’t be fixed by the president. And then she watched the president supposedly fix it. She even got to keep the pen he used to sign it.

Trump made the same claim repeatedly. Finally, the optics got too bad for him. Photos were revealed of the child prisons and audio recordings were leaked of children crying for their parents. Even Republicans were coming out against him, and governors (even Republicans) were calling back their National Guard troops from being involved in the situation. Four airlines made statements refusing to transport children for the purpose of being ripped from their families. Microsoft’s employees called for their company not to be involved with any government department detaining kids. Kirstjen Nielsen was booed out of a Mexican restaurant and will probably have to use a fake name for reservations at Taco Bell.

Trump has lied about there being a requirement to separate families, that Democrats created the problem, and only Congress could fix it. He proved all that was a lie by signing an executive order to end the separation of families, though the title still shifts the blame, “Affording Congress an Opportunity to Address Family Separation” (the first version had “seperation,” which I’m assuming Kirstjen spelled). Trump said, “I didn’t like the sight or the feeling of families being separated.” That’s funny because he loved it when he created it. A recent poll says 55% of Republicans love it too. Trump sycophants say it’s fake news. They did not change this policy because they wanted to do the right thing. They had over six weeks for that. They changed the policy because of the coverage in the media.

Trump took credit for ending the crisis he created with a policy he claims he didn’t create that he said he couldn’t fix but signed an order to fix it that didn’t really fix it.

Trump signed an order that will end the separation of families, which he ordered to begin with. But, this order doesn’t do anything for the families who have already been torn apart. It doesn’t do anything for the over 2,000 children who are presently detained and being hidden throughout the country. It does not end “tender age” prisons. It’s not retroactive. It also creates family prisons, which Trump has ordered the Defense Department to start constructing.

The odds of the optics improving are as likely as Mexican restaurants sending Kirstjen Nielsen coupons for fajitas. Speaking of optics, news broke just this morning that immigrant children as young as 14 say they were beaten while handcuffed, locked up in solitary confinement, and left naked in concrete cells at a juvenile detention center in Virginia.

Trump says he doesn’t cave, which is another lie. He swore he’d never settle the lawsuit against his fake university before he settled for $25 million. David French, senior writer of the conservative National Review said, “According to any fair reading of the order, it represents a massive capitulation by the administration.” Trump has caved, though he’s going to continue trying to look tough.

Even before he caved, Trump was not looking tough. Tough isn’t ripping families apart and creating baby prisons out of tents in the desert.

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