A Republican Problem

I drew a similar cartoon about a month ago but focused on baby formula. That cartoon actually grew from this idea, but I wanted to return to it today.

In the blog for that cartoon, I included George Carlin’s famous rant about Republicans and their “pro-life” position that if you’re pre-born, you good, but after you’re born, you’re fucked.

One ranking has the United States 33rd out of 36 first-world nations in infant mortality. That’s nearly six deaths per 1,000 births. Of 41 nations UNICEF ranked on child poverty, the United States was fourth from the bottom. In the same UNICEF ranking, the U.S. ranks 32 in mental well-being and 38 in physical health.

Republicans are excited about ending abortion and protecting the life of a fetus, but fuck that fetus once it’s a legitimate human being. Republicans oppose social welfare while loving corporate welfare. We spend twice on corporate welfare than we do on social welfare. Republicans want welfare recipients drug-tested…well, just the social welfare recipients. The corporate guys can be total snort heads for all they are. None of the big oil executives reaping record profits at this time while also receiving government welfare are required to piss in cups.

The drug-testing requirement is cruel. Republicans are willing to starve a child if its mother has a little marijuana in her system. If you are on welfare and have a child and you smoke a little weed, I don’t care. I care about the child and since all children are terrorists, you probably need that weed.

I grew up in and out of poverty and I can tell you from personal experience that when bill collectors knock on doors, it affects the children.

Republicans don’t want the government to finance prenatal care. You would think that at the very least, they’d want to increase healthcare for that fetus they’re so concerned with. They don’t want to finance health care for children. They don’t want anything to do with extending maternity leave. They don’t want to assist with daycare for when the maternity leave is over. And damn if they don’t want to defund school lunches.

President Biden proposed cash payments for parents, universal prekindergarten, and other family benefit programs such as expanded child-care subsidies, but Republicans oppose every bit of it. Analysts say last year’s expiration of Biden’s one-year expansion of the child-tax-credit, that every Republican not named Mitt Romney opposed led to a 41 percent spike in child poverty.

Senate goon Rick Scott said he opposes efforts to create programs that would reward parents who do not work, so basically, fuck that kid if its parents are lazy. Goon Senator Patrick Toomey said he had not given thought to the idea of expanded child benefit support, because goons only think about the pre-born…after you’re born, you’re fucked. Ted Cruz, one of the gooniest of goons in the Senate, said Republicans will look to “enact policies that make it easier for families to raise kids,” but his party would oppose new spending measures.

I did the math on Ted Cruz’s plan of new policies making it easier for families to raise kids without new spending measures from the government, and have discovered zero plus zero equals Republican bullshit. I have two middle fingers for Ted. One middle finger plus one middle finger equals fuck you, Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz probably believes the best reason to have children is so you can blame them for your sudden cowardly retreats to Cancun when the going gets tough.

Ted said, “There is always support in the Republican conference for tax cuts; there is always support in the Democratic conference for spending more and more money.” No, Captain Asshat. There’s is always Republican support for tax cuts for corporations, billionaire assholes, and trust-fund babies. Republicans opposed the child-tax credit. Hell, Rick Scott even proposed raising taxes that would have pushed over 18 million Americans into poverty.

And, when it comes to gun violence that slaughters children like the 19 in Uvalde, the best plans Republicans can come up with are eliminating doors and adding more guns to society.

George Carlin was right. When it comes to Republicans, “If you’re pre-born, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.”

Creative note: I started this cartoon yesterday but put it aside for the demon football prayer cartoon.

Music note: I listened to Coheed and Cambria while drawing and coloring all these babies.

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