Authoritarian

Brute Of Belarus


Cjones05292021

Alexander Lukashenko is Europe’s last dictator. He’s been president of Belarus (in case you’re a Republican, that’s in Europe) since 1994. Instead of having free elections, his nation has the the kind of strongman system favored by Donald Trump, Republicans, and MAGA terrorists. Belarus is a former Soviet satellite nation, yet maintains Soviet symbolism. Lukashenko may be hornier for Russia than Donald Trump and Republicans are.

Belarus also does not have a free press or the rights to oppose the president’s administration. Belarus is very much a wet dream for Donald Trump. Sorry if you were eating lunch when you read “Trump” with “wet dream.”

Over the weekend, Roman Protasevich, a high-profile opposition journalist to Lukashenko’s administration, was flying to Lithuania from Greece (which is also in Europe, Republicans). Unfortunately for the dissident who’s been living in exile since 2019, the flight went over Belarusian airspace. Even as the tray tables were being ordered back into the upright positions and the seat belt sign was on in preparation for the landing in Lithuania (in case you’re a Republican, that’s another country in Europe), the plane was forced to turn around.

A Belarusian fighter jet approached the jetliner and informed it there was a bomb threat on board. That was a lie. They ordered the plane to fly to Minsk (in case you’re a Republican, is in Belarus), even though its scheduled destination was actually closer. After the plane landed, five of the 126 passengers were detained. One of those was Protasevich. The other was his girlfriend (in case you’re a Republican, a girlfriend is a girl…you know, those things whose bodies you want to legislate but you yourselves can’t touch).

Passengers on the flight later told the media, not in Belarus, that Roman Protasevich was terrified throughout the entire ordeal, and thought the plane being ordered to turn around and land in Belarus was about all him. Sheesh, paranoid much? But as Kurt Cobain sang, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not after you.” They were after Protasevich.

Last year, Protasevich created a Telegram account that helped organize a protest against Lukashenko. Telegram is a social media app, like TikTok and Instragram, that’s popular in Europe and with Russian hookers who’ll pee on you in a Moscow hotel room for a fair price. After the mass protests, Protasevich was classified as a terrorist by the KBG. Those are the initials for Belarus’ secret intelligence agency. I told you they were horny for Soviets. Here’s a fun fact: In Belarus, only about 10 percent of the population speak Belarusian. The majority of Belarusians speak Russian.

After being captured and kidnapped, Protasevich appeared in a state-TV video explaining he had been a bad boy and is now cooperating with investigations into the protests he helped organize. He appears in the video with bruises on his face and perhaps even a broken nose. It’s reminiscent of those propaganda videos Saddam Hussein released of visibly-beaten captured UK and U.S. pilots where they confessed to committing crimes against Iraq and how their own governments were evil.

The European Union is protesting, working to prevent all air traffic in the continent from flying over Belarus, and preventing Belarusian aircraft from landing in other European nations. It sounds like Lukashenko is boxed in, but he’s not. He has one person on his side.

I’ll give you two guesses who that person is: Donald Trump took his side over U.S. intelligence and his name rhymes with “Schmootin.” In case you’re a Republican, it’s Putin.

We need to support the E.U. in this fight. Democracy is important everywhere. You can’t have a democracy without the right to protest. You don’t have the right to protest without a free press. It’s important to fight for this in other nations because there are too many people in this country who wants to kill our democracy.

There are people in this nation who want laws forbidding the press from criticizing their cult leader. Those people deny an election happened. Those people lie about democracy and accuse others of election fraud. Those people are changing election laws based on lies about election fraud. Those people attacked the Capitol Complex in Washington, D.C. trying to overturn an election. There are people in Congress who support those terrorists and don’t want their attack investigated. Before they attacked, their cult leader held a rally and encouraged them to go the Capitol and overturn the election.

The people who still support Trump, his terrorists, and his lies, want us to be more like Belarus. Belarus is a horrible place. It’s probably worse than Indiana. Don’t go to Belarus.

Democracy should be supported. We should have a free press, even when the press reports things you don’t want to hear. We should have the right to protest, even if protesters say thing you don’t want to hear. We should have legitimate elections where everyone eligible is allowed to vote, even if they don’t vote for whom you want to win. This is what’s so difficult for Republicans to understand. You don’t just support democracy until it doesn’t give you the results you wanted. You don’t just support democracy when it’s convenient for you. It’s not just about you.

If Donald Trump and his MAGA goons have their way, they’ll adopt a little Belarusian and tell us, “навошта закопваць галаву ў пясок, калі замест гэтага можна было« схавацца ў бульбу?”

In English, that’s “why ‘bury your head in the sand’ when you could ‘hide in potatoes’ instead?”

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An Autocratic Pickle


cjones02172020

Kellyanne Conway, White House Counselor (which is another absurdity of the Trump administration) attempted to downplay Donald Trump’s autocratic retribution against his enemies.

Trump removed Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman from his detail at the White House on the National Security Council and removed Gordon Sondland from his post as Ambassador to the European Union. Both men did the legal thing and complied with subpoenas and testified before Congress, revealing Trump’s corruption. Trump even removed Vindman’s twin brother from his post at the White House, even though he didn’t have anything to do the impeachment hearings.

During the Senate trial, which ruled Trump is innocent after refusing to hear witnesses or see evidence, House Manager Adam Schiff claimed there was a report the Trump administration warned GOP senators, “vote against the president and your head will be on a pike.” Schiff caught a lot of heat for that from Republicans. Now that Trump is putting heads on pikes, Republicans are defending the move. Hell, even Democratic Representative and presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard is defending Trump’s bloodletting.

Conway argued that the Vindman brothers were removed from the White House without being fired. But she couldn’t explain why they were removed months before their details were to end. Then she claimed Gordon Sondland was a “reluctant” Trump supporter. Yeah. Who reluctantly gave Trump’s corrupt inauguration committee $1 million.

And while arguing these removals weren’t political payback, she said there will be more dismissals to come. It’s tough to argue none of this was political payback since they all came AFTER the Senate trial, Don Jr. has tweeted that it’s political payback and the White House even issued a statement that translates to “bwahahahahahaha.”

Republicans have been smearing Vindman for months. American Thinker, a conservative website popular with white nationalists that warns rainbow-colored Doritos is a “gateway snack to introduce children to the joys of homosexuality,” published a story claiming Vindman dissed American “exceptionalism” and rednecks. In bizarro Trump world, the patriot is the bone spurs-draft-dodger and the traitor is the Purple Heart-receiving military veteran who led units in Iraq and Afghanistan. And how dare he criticize our rednecks. I love these new talking points.

Liberals have been warning the country that Trump doesn’t just have autocratic tendencies, he has psychopathic ones too. Former National Security Adviser John Bolton writes in his new book that Trump is doing favors for autocratic leaders. Duh. Trump has issued heavy praise for Vladimir Putin, Recip Erdogan, Kim Jong Un, and Rodrigo Duterte. If Nicolas Maduro was smart, he’d start sending delegates to Washington to book rooms at Trump’s hotel. Basically, Donald Trump is to Vladimir Putin as Lindsey Graham is to Donald Trump.

The funny thing with warning Republicans about Trump: They pooh-pooh our concerns and blow them off and Donald Trump confirms them. The whole “heads on a pike” thing. Why he wouldn’t that. He’s doing that. Ask Mitt Romney. CPAC, a conservative group holding a convention later this month in Washington, disinvited Mitt Romney because they’re literally afraid someone will kill him if he shows up. That has not stopped Donald Trump from tweeting about Romney and trying to implicate him in his Burisma conspiracy theory. Romney was the party’s nominee. Today, he’s being labeled a “traitor” and “disloyal.”

Lindsey Graham defended the ouster of Vindman and said, “What have I learned in the last two years? CIA agents, Department of State — Department of Justice lawyers, FBI agents have a political agenda, and they acted on it.” That sounds like some crazy shit someone like Maduro would claim. Republicans claim Trump isn’t aiming to act like a dictator while supporting his banana republic actions.

Here’s the real shit: Donald Trump was just acquitted and he’s taking these actions. What happens after he wins reelection? Does he start taking care of his critics in the style of Kim Jong Un and feed them to dogs? At least Trump would get a dog (other than Lindsey).

After Saddam Hussein seized power (in case you’re a Republican, of Iraq) in 1979, he convened an assembly of his Ba’ath Party where he claimed there were traitors in their midst. An aide read the 68 names of people in the room they accused of being co-conspirators, labeled them “disloyal,” and dragged them out one by one. After this was completed, Saddam congratulated everyone left in the room for their present and “future” loyalty. All 68 of those who were “disloyal” were found guilty of treason with 22 of them executed. Eventually, Saddam killed hundreds of members of his own party. Many of those left in the room had never been supporters of Saddam Hussein, but they got the message. Before the meeting was over, they were standing and exclaiming their loyalty to Saddam and yelling for the death of those who opposed him. Anyone who opposed Saddam wasn’t just disloyal to him but to Iraq. You could say Saddam’s political foes were the “deep state.” Also, Saddam didn’t have to worry about an upcoming election.

The people who support Trump today, we know which side they would have taken if they were in Germany when Hitler took power, or in France when he invaded. We know where they would have stood in Saddam’s Iraq. In the future, lackeys, toadies, sycophants, and lickspittles will be compared to Trump supporters.

I tell that story about Iraq because it’s another warning for Republicans to blow off…and for Donald Trump to confirm.

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The Autocratic Club


cjones10182018

I’m seriously offended. I’ve drawn Donald Trump about a thousand times by now and the guy has never called me to pay a compliment on capturing his likeness. But, Andy Thomas, an artist in Missouri paints him once, and Trump gave him a phone call telling him how much he liked it. Trump praised the painting, and told Thomas that he normally doesn’t like paintings of himself, which is kinda bizarre since he’s stolen money from his charity in the past to purchase a few.

The painting, titled “The Republican Club,” has Trump surrounded by past presidents who are apparently in the thrall of being in his presence. You’d have to be a real tasteless sycophant to want such a thing which explains why Congressman Darrell Issa bought a print to give to Trump. The print made national news Sunday night as it was seen in the background of Trump’s interview on 60 Minutes.

The painting is really cool and classy if you’re into stuff like the dogs playing poker. It’d be funny if it was hanging in the White House ironically as a joke, except it’s not a joke. It’s there as a representation of the respect Trump believes he deserves, and the class where he thinks belongs.

Most people found the painting funny. There are only two presidents in the painting who are still alive besides Trump, and neither one of them can stand him. Eisenhower, Teddy Roosevelt, and Lincoln are seated at the table, and none of them would be members of today’s Republican Party. In fact, every Republican president is in the painting, most are in the background, and I’d bet that none of them would want to be in the same room as Trump, less enough pose to be in a painting with him. Nixon is probably there just so he won’t be the most hated guy in the room for once.

Trump is drinking a Diet Coke in the painting, and apparently, it’s working as he looks like he lost about 70 pounds. He also has a smile that looks more human than the one he real-life self-satisfied smile, which gives the impression he’s getting off on locking babies in prison.

The Foo Fighters hung a painting in their studio of their leader Dave Grohl sitting pompously in a fancy chair, wearing a smoking jacket, while holding a snifter of brandy and a cigar. It’s a huge joke to make fun of the guy. Dave knows it’s a joke and it’s still hanging in the studio. Only a narcissist would take it seriously. Donald Trump is taking his painting seriously.

Thomas has also done a similar painting of Obama surrounded by past Democratic presidents. I don’t think Obama hung a copy in the White House.

Thomas sells prints of the paintings on his website, and he’s a great artist in a very campy way. I’m sure The Republican Club will soon be hanging in Klan clubhouses all across the south very soon.

Now, with today’s cartoon, I just have to sit back and wait for Trump’s complimentary phone call.

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