Arizona Recount

Trump’s Recount Disaster


Cjones09282021

Every time dumbass Donald Trump tries to steal the election, all he does is add more evidence and validation that he lost and Joe Biden won.

Donald Trump lost over 60 court cases trying to overturn the election. He lost each time he bullied state officials to overturn the election. He lost actual recounts and audits in multiple states. He lost when he tried to overturn the election through an insurrection and an attack on the United States Capitol.

All the evidence Trump lunatics claim they have has yet to be presented. Probably because those lunatics, Sidney Powell, Rudy Giuliani, and the MyPillow fucker, don’t have any real evidence. There was no ballot switching by voting machines or Italian satellites. There was no interference by the Clintons or George Soros. There was no manipulation by poll workers or the dead Hugo Chavez. There was no massive voter fraud. There was very little fake voting by dead people and undocumented immigrants. Most voter fraud that was found was committed by Republicans. The biggest case of election interference and fraud was committed by the President (sic) of the United States at that time, Donald Trump.

When Donald Trump called the Georgia Secretary of State, he said all he needed was enough votes that would give him one more than Joe Biden had. There were no reports of missing or uncounted votes. On election night while he was ahead, he demanded election officials stop counting votes. Weeks later, he was demanded that Georgia create votes. And the biggest evidence of Trump’s meddling was his not asking to find every “missing” vote, but just enough to give him one more than Biden had.

When Trump supporters who believe The Big Lie (that the election was stolen from Trump) are asked for any evidence to base their beliefs on, the best they can come up with is that Biden winning is just not believable to them. They don’t see how Joe Biden could beat Donald Trump.

And why is it so hard to believe Donald Trump lost? Donald Trump didn’t win the popular vote in 2016. Donald Trump never had an approval rating above 50 percent. Donald Trump has the lowest approval ratings of any president in the modern era, even lower than other modern one-termers, George H. W. Bush and Jimmy Carter. Yes, Donald Trump was less popular during his presidency than Jimmy Carter. Donald Trump took an amazing economy and trashed it. Donald Trump ignored and played down a pandemic that killed hundreds of thousands of Americans. Donald Trump told over 20,000 lies from the White House. Donald Trump spent his entire presidency dividing the nation. Donald Trump’s administration was full of corruption. Donald Trump was impeached twice. Donald Trump lost the House and Senate during his term. Donald Trump is also a juvenile racist sexist selfish illiterate stupid sonofabitch that doesn’t care about anything except Donald Trump. It’s hard to believe this Nazi-praising orange shitweasel with the painted combover lost a presidential election?

They also say they can’t believe Trump lost because Joe Biden didn’t campaign as much. If he had, his margin of victory over Trump would have probably been greater than the seven million it was.

And now we have more evidence Donald Trump lost the election because the recount in Arizona has confirmed he lost. In fact, that recount took votes away from Trump and gave more to Biden.

What’s even more embarrassing is the recount was supposed to find fraud and claim Trump won. The recount wasn’t supposed to assure us of election integrity in 2020. It was just to give Arizona to Trump. The recount was given to a private corporation that is pro-Trump and has zero experience recounting elections. Maybe the inability to find fraud and more votes for Trump is why it took them six months to count it.

Most recounts are done in a day or two. This took six months. It started last April, six months after the election. This fraud of an audit actually cost Arizona taxpayers over $6 million. But that Republican-led chicanery was a bargain compared to California’s bogus recall that cost around $300 million. Remember when conservatives were supposed to be the fiscally-conservative guys?

Trump isn’t happy with the Arizona recount results and falsely claimed it “conclusively shows there were enough fraudulent votes, mystery votes, and fake votes to change the outcome of the election 4 or 5 times over.” But that’s not true. It didn’t find enough “fraudulent, mystery, or fake” votes to change the outcome once. Trump, you lost. And, you lost again.

Now, Donald Trump wants Texas to conduct an audit of the election which is weird because Trump won Texas. Greg Abbott, Texas’ horrible governor, caved into Trump’s demands and announced that a “full and comprehensive forensic audit” of four counties, three that Biden won, has already started, except it hasn’t.

Why does Trump want a recount in a state he won? Because Texas has a Trump cultist as its governor and this is another attempt to cast doubt on the election. In his demand to the governor, he referred to the election as a “scam.” It’s a scam in a state he won? He better be careful because he only won Texas by 5.5 percent. It could turn out like it did in Arizona and take votes away from Trump and give more to Biden. Maybe after they finish this recount, Biden will have won Texas too.

Republicans are also trying to copy Arizona’s recount in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. Naturally, these recounts are partisan and being attempted by Trump goons.

Here’s the thing though, kids. Trump lost. And he keeps losing. In fact, new reports are revealing his White House knew he lost and there wasn’t any fraud.

All they’re doing with these recounts is giving more confirmation that Joe Biden is the president of the United States of America.

And the continued claims the election was fraudulent only works to tear down our democracy. Continuing with The Big Lie is the most un-American thing a lot of these people do. It’s almost as un-American as voting for Donald Trump.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Hunka-Hunka Recount


CNN05232021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I did something really stupid the other day, but it worked out.

I sent a few ideas earlier than usual to my CNN editor last Friday. We can work pretty late, so when he called me at 9:00 A.M. to tell me he wanted us to go with one of the three ideas I had just sent, I was thrilled. That meant I could finish up early, go outside, skip, frolic, and play. But I talked him out of using that cartoon and I had to go back to writing ideas. It worked out for the best.

I got the Elvis idea. In fact, I had three Elvis ideas and this was my favorite, and I still finished early. Plus, I liked this cartoon a lot better than the one I talked him out of using. It’s a lot of fun to draw Elvis, aliens, and spaceships. I also had fun with the bumper stickers and banana sandwiches. The “Memphis” bumper sticker isn’t as much for Elvis as it is for one of my colleagues at CNN who is from Memphis.

And in case you’ve never had one, banana sandwiches are delicious.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Swarming Arizona


Cjones05272021

A lot of stupid crazy shit goes down in Arizona. People look at the fake audit by a fake security firm owned by Republicans and say, “Only in Arizona.” I don’t think that’s fair. Sure, crazy shit happens in Arizona that wouldn’t happen in most other places…but it’s not fair to say, “Only in Arizona.” It’s not fair to Florida.

Florida was doing crazy recount shit before it was cool. Florida is old-school crazy. Back in 2000, Florida upheld the national election and only stopped recounting when the Supreme Court told them too, which made George W. Bush president. Don’t you remember hanging chads?

Arizona and Florida have reputations for not being the best of us. In the excellent TV show, “The Good Place,” the very stupid character, Jason, is from Jacksonville. Jason has quotes like, “Yo, you should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed,” and, “I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” After delivering one of his stupid comments, Eleanor says, “Are you from Florida?” Eleanor is from Arizona. She’s the one who’s most ethically-challenged.

Some of Eleanor’s best quotes are, “Anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you,” “Why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities?”, “How dare she steal the identity I stole?”, “I was a good person for six months. That’s like five years” and, “Ya’ basic.”

But, Arizona…compared to Florida, ya’ basic. Florida has “Florida Man.” Florida has Matt Gaetz. Roger Stone moved to Florida. Donald Trump moved to Florida. Sure, Arizona has Arizona State, but Florida has Jacksonville. It’s said that people move to Florida to die, but they have to lose their minds along the way.

One thing crazy stupid-ass fucknut states have in common is that they typically vote Republican. Crazy, stupid-ass fucknut states were all ripe and fertile territory to become Kool-Aid-drinking Trump cult breeding grounds. Look at Alabama, Mississippi, West Virginia, Arkansas, South Carolina, and Missouri. These states are the least educated and the most dependent on government assistance. But Arizona and Georgia are two states moving away from that.

Arizona and Georgia are two red states that flipped from Trump to President Biden. Florida is a state that went for President Clinton twice, President Obama twice, then Donald Trump twice. Florida regressed. It elected racist Ron DeSantis its governor and his approval ratings are at 55 percent. This is a guy who signed a bill making it legal to run over black protesters. That’s not legal in Arizona.

Arizona is going blue. It now has two Democratic senators in addition to voting for Biden. But Republicans are not going without a fight. They’re doing a fake audit of Maricopa County, the largest county in the state.

A judge gave the Republican Party the right to a recount, but where the people counting are only Republicans. Florida is impressed. The firm conducting the recount is operated by members of the Trump cult and it has ZERO experience conducting recounts or having any business with elections. Oh yeah…the firm, Cyber Ninjas, is from…wait for it…yeah, you guessed it. Florida!

There are all sorts of conspiracy theories with the ballots. China had flown in tens of thousands of ballots to Maricopa County via a South Korean airplane to swing the election for Biden. Since China got involved, they’re scanning them for traces of bamboo (no word on soy sauce). Donald Trump tweeted that the entire Maricopa County voter database was deleted, which was a lie that forced the Republican official leading the Maricopa County Recorder’s Office to speak out.

Here’s a fact: All eight cases brought in Arizona state and federal courts alleging widespread fraud, inaccuracies, or irregularities lost big time. So, why is there a recount? Exactly! Why is there a recount?

Why has the recount been given to Republicans? Why has the recount been given to a “security” firm run by Trumplicans with no election experience, and whose CEO claimed the election was hacked by the deceased Hugo Chavez? Why are they refusing to allow the press to watch the recount? How come we don’t even know who’s paying for the audit? Could Florida have pulled this off? Give them time.

Republicans claim there was election fraud and the count was fake…so they’re doing a fraudulent recount. What’s next? The fuckers doing the fake recount are going to declare Donald Trump won Maricopa County. Remember, the election was over six months ago and it’s been certified by the state and Congress. Joe Biden is literally in the White House.

One of the people doing the count said, “I think Donald Trump won the election—firm believer. I hope we come to a point where we’re happy with the results and truth is told.” She sounds totally non-partisan to me. Another auditor, who was at the Trump-initiated MAGA terrorist attack on the Capitol Complex, is also on these ballots. In Arizona, it’s illegal to count ballots that have your name on them.

We know with this recount, three people are counting each ballot as they spin on a Lazy Susan (that’s like a turntable. I had to look that up). If one person disagrees with the other two, that person is ignored and they go with the result from the two. They don’t reexamine the ballot that’s probably still spinning on a turntable. Remember, all these fuckers are Trump goons.

Republicans think Maricopa County is a domino. After it falls for Trump, so will Arizona, then Georgia, then Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Nevada. You have to be on the same level of crazy as Marjorie Taylor Greene to believe any of this nonsense, but it’s where Arizona finds itself.

Brood X is coming, but the cicadas are not coming to you if you’re in Arizona or Florida. The cicadas are smarter than Trump voters. They don’t want to go anywhere near Florida Man or Arizona Man. Their asses may be falling off, but they don’t want any business with Arizona and Florida.

After reading today’s cartoon, my proofer Laura told me, “It’s getting harder to satirize these people.” It’s been that way for five years plus. And seriously, how do I top scanning for bamboo?

Cicada note: This Washington Post piece about the cicada’s short life cycle is informative and fun.

Creative note: I started drawing this Saturday morning, but stopped when I got my Matt Gaetz inflatable girlfriend idea. I forgot I had recorded what I drew Saturday, and because I wasn’t paying attention, it was included in the video for the Gaetz cartoon. I don’t think anyone noticed.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Tainted Love Ballots


Cjones05052021

“Some very interesting things are happening in Arizona.” That’s the most honest thing Donald Trump has said in a long time.

Saying his goodbyes at Mar-a-Lago to whoever might actually give a flying shit before he leaves his summer compound for his New Jersey compound (the illegal immigrants he’s hired are probably pretty psyched to watch him waddle out of there), Donald Trump spoke as if a biased, partisan, and fraudulent recount conducted by Qanon fucks and MAGA terrorists would somehow reinsert him into the White House.

President Joe Biden won Arizona. Democrat Mark Kelly also won the United States Senate seat in Arizona, joining his party colleague, Kyrsten Sinema. Republicans won a fight to recount ballots in Maricopa County despite it being six months after the election. Republicans can not overturn the results in Arizona and even if they did, it wouldn’t overturn the results of the national election. Joe Biden is president and he’s going to remain president for the next four years.

This recount is nothing except Republican fuckery.

Donald Trump said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if they found thousands and thousands and thousands of votes.” You mean, “finding” votes like he wanted officials in Georgia to find? You know…just making shit up. Looking at who’s doing the counting, I wouldn’t be surprised either if they “found” votes.

Trump also said, “After that we’ll watch Pennsylvania, and you watch Georgia, then you’re going to watch Michigan and Wisconsin, and you’re watching New Hampshire. They found a lot of votes up in New Hampshire just now…you saw that?” No. I did not see that. Probably because it didn’t happen.

And once again, Trump said, “This was a rigged election, everybody knows it, and we’re going to be watching it very closely.” No, it was NOT a rigged election, but this recount in Maricopa County is rigged.

The recount in Maricopa County is NOT being conducted by the state. It’s not even being conducted by the Republican Party. It’s being run by Cyber Ninjas. Who? What? Cyber Ninjas is a company that has less real-world experience conducting recounts as they do at being actual ninjas. I would have more faith in the late Chris Farley’s Beverly Hills Ninja.

In fact, real ninjas should sue Cyber Ninjas for defamation, as these Republican nutless monkeys are giving ninjas a bad name…and also poorly representing actual nutless monkeys.

Cyber Ninjas is not like Dominion Voting Systems. Dominion Voting Systems is a non-partisan company that has years of experience operating voting machines Cyber Ninjas is totally partisan and has zero experience with recounts. They’ve never done it before. Ever. Never. Ever. Never.

Never.

Cyber Ninjas is owned by a nutless monkey Trump goon named Doug Logan who engages in Qanon conspiracy theories. Doug Logan tweeted months ago that a recount in Arizona would find “hundreds of thousands” of votes for Donald Trump. Also, Cyber Ninjas is from Florida. You don’t want nutless monkey Florida fuckery fucking with your ballots. In case you missed it, the guy running the show told us months ago what the results would be before he ever saw any evidence. How does anyone, especially a judge, see that this recount will be fair?

One of the nutless monkeys doing the recount is former Arizona state representative Anthony Kern. Kern was at the Capitol building in the nation’s capital on January 6 engaging in fuckery to overturn the government. There is an actual terrorist in Arizona counting ballots.

And, this partisan recount isn’t open which is funny because Republicans are always screaming about having their observers present during recounts. Arizona Republic (that’s a newspaper despite being owned by Gannett) reporter Ryan Randazzo was ejected from the recount operation after taking photos of Anthony Kern.

It gets even more corrupt. Anthony Kern is recounting ballots that have his name on them. That nutless monkey fucker was in a three-way race, lost, coming in third, and now he’s recounting ballots for his own election. How long has Arizona been Florida? There was more integrity with Putin’s election than with this recount. We need to send Jimmy Carter to oversee this shit.

I have two questions. Why are they using UV Lights on these ballots? These assholes haven’t answered that question. And, why is this happening? Why are partisan assholes with zero experience recounting ballots? Why are these buttmunches even allowed to put their grubby mitts on official ballots? And is love goo on ballots strictly an Arizona thing? And if that is a thing, wouldn’t you NOT want to know this?

How would you feel if a partisan corporation with zero experience was pawing all over your ballot? How would you feel if that corporation was full of pro-Hillary zealots? I sure Republicans would be totally fine with that (in case you couldn’t detect it, that was sarcasm).

So why is this recount happening? The Arizona state Senate subpoenaed Maricopa County’s ballots and vote tabulation machines so it could audit the results that showed Biden winning in Arizona, which Trump supporters say occurred because of fraud (which again, is a lie).

So, the state senate won the right to have a recount, and they hired Cyber Ninjas, which is a partisan company with no experience. Former Republican Arizona secretary of state, Ken Bennett, is acting as the senate’s liason to the recount. Bennett said, “We are going to be able to tell every Arizonan in a few weeks that they can have complete integrity and trust in their elections, or we have some parts of the election that need to be improved.” Really? Complete integrity from a recount conducted by a partisan company with zero experience and consisting of Trump goons and terrorists in complete secrecy?

Senate attorney Kory Langhofer told a judge during a challenge to the recount that oversight wasn’t needed because no personally identifiable information was on the ballots. OK…but how about oversight so that we know the results aren’t just made up? That they didn’t just magically “find” votes in the way Trump asked Georgia Republicans to find votes? Also, how can anyone ever believe anything a Trump supporter ever says? Spoiler alert: You can’t.

A judge refused to kill the recount, but did rule that Cyber Ninjas must make its “procedures” public. What the fuck does that mean? Does that mean they can keep “counting” in secret and only have to tell us the “procedure?”

For all we know, the procedure is a vampire muppet with a UV light doing the counting, saying, “And a one….Ha. Ha. Ha. And a two…Ha. Ha Ha.”

Also, in case you missed it, we still don’t know why the recount is even happening. The use of UV lights hasn’t been explained. Why the GOP gets to conduct it hasn’t been explained. Why a partisan company full of Trump zealots and terrorists with zero recount experience has been hired to conduct the operation hasn’t been explained. Why someone who is on a ballot is allowed to recount the ballots hasn’t been explained. And, why this is even happening at all hasn’t been explained.

If anything, shouldn’t the state be conducting the recount, and not a political party, specifically the one that lost and has been spreading conspiracy theories? I mean, why don’t we just let the makers of Eurovision Song Contest recount the Oscar vote for best song? Don’t surprised if they find the actual winner is “Ja-Ja Dingdong.”

Also, if they do this recount in Florida, where they’re from, and run across Matt Gaetz’s ballot with a UV light, I hope they’re wearing gloves because that thing will look like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: