I want you, my readers to understand and appreciate the sacrifices and trauma I will put myself through to provide you informed commentary and punditry (that’s a word!). Today, I scrolled through Ann Coulter’s Twitter page. You’re welcome.
Why in the world would I want to visit She-Demon’s Twitter page? I read an article that said she sent over 30 tweets describing the horrible treatment she received from Delta Airlines on a flight last weekend. I wanted to see if that was true. So how many times did Skankzilla tweet about her mile-high injustice? I’m not sure because my eyes started stinging and I lost count after 40, and that’s not counting all the retweets. I don’t think there’s been a tweetstorm of that proportion since someone questioned the attendance of Donald Trump’s inauguration crowd.
So what sort of traumatizing experience did Delta put Coulter through to trigger such a bimbo fury? Did they force her into standby? Serve her fish after she requested chicken? Physically pummel her, bloody her face, and drag her off the plane like United did to David Dao? Amazingly find a seat that’s too narrow for even her skinny ass? Or even worse, make her sit next to a black guy? None of that. They moved her from seat 15D to 15A. Oh, the horror!
I don’t know why Delta moved her from an aisle seat to a window, but she didn’t like it. Coulter paid a $30 fee, which Delta refunded, to switch seats from the one she had originally booked. She ridiculed the refund and said that it cost her $10,000 of her time to select the seat she wanted, investigate the type of plane (it looks like a big Tylenol!), and periodically review seat options. If reviewing and researching is costing us time, then she owes me $15,000 for having to look at her Twitter page and another $5,000 for inadvertently seeing her photo (here come the night terrors).
And “periodically” review seat options? What the fuck is that shit? Did she look at seating options at 12:15 A.M, and again at 7:20, and once again at 9:15? It’s a fucking chair, and they all face forward. You’re not buying a house.
But since she did so much “reviewing,” let’s give her a tip: Ann, when the Muslim extremists hijack the plane you should know the first people they’re gonna slice with box cutters will be those in aisle seats. Delta could have saved your life!
Coulter was so incensed, that she took a photo of the unfortunate woman who got her seat and posted it on Twitter. We all knew Ann was a horrible person, but sheesh. It wasn’t that woman’s fault, Ann. Ann isn’t well known for exhibiting much compassion, but she does display hypocrisy. Last April, she dished out scorn toward David Dao after United beat him up. She tweeted, “Sorry about the dragging, but the convicted pill-mill doctor should be deported.” I guess a rich white shrill-mill having to change seats is much worse than an Asian-American being assaulted by sky marshals.
Ann wrote the book on victimization. Really! She literally wrote a book on the topic. It’s called, Guilty: Liberal “Victims” and Their Assault on America. It’s 311 pages of Coulter bitching about liberals playing victim which is ruining our nation which you can find on Amazon for $11.70. That was 2009 Ann. 2017 gives us Snowflake Ann in need of a safe space. When will rich white people finally catch a break in this nation? I dream of an America where rich, white, horrid people can fly to Palm Beach without the injustice and inconvenience of having to change seats.
Who I really feel sorry for are the people in Florida. Don’t they have enough reptiles down there?
Creative note: My first idea was to draw Coulter finding alternative air travel as a witch on a broom. But I knew someone else would also think of that idea. I was right. It’s been one day and I’ve already seen two of them, but since that was my first idea I’m going to guess it was theirs too.
Also, this column is not sexist because you can’t be sexist or misogynist toward something that’s not human.
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