Abortion Bans

Sticky Mickey

Florida Governor Ron “Puddin’ Fingers” DeSantis signed into law last Thursday a ban on abortions after six weeks. Several women attended the signing but we haven’t heard yet whether they were barefoot or not.

A lot of women, maybe most, are not aware they are pregnant until after six weeks. Florida Republicans are not using science with this legislation as much as they’re using dogma from their fundamentalist religion.

Currently, there’s a 15-week ban that’s being challenged in Florida’s Supreme Court. Republicans couldn’t wait to end that one before passing a six-week ban because they hate being out-gooned by other red states like Texas and Alabama. Every judge currently on the Florida Supreme Court was appointed by a Republican governor, four of the six by DeSantis (there is a vacancy so it’ll soon be five by DeSantis). Yikes. This is some Tallahassee Taliban shit, people.

As soon as the state Supreme Court affirms the 15-week ban, it’ll be overridden by the six-week ban. This court has all the legitimacy of the newly created board seated entirely of DeSantis goons that are set to oversee Disney’s special district.

If this becomes law, which it will, it’ll deny abortion access to over four million women in Florida. It’ll also affect women in surrounding states that already have abortion bans. Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi have each banned abortion at any stage. Georgia has banned abortion after six weeks. The closest state for Florida women to receive an abortion after six weeks is South Carolina, but not for a lack of trying. South Carolina Republicans tried to enact a six-week ban, but the state Supreme Court narrowly voted that abortion is protected by the state constitution. But Republicans are scrambling an even called a special session of the state legislature to try again to ban abortions after six weeks. Florida’s ruling may push them further out of fears of becoming an “abortion haven,” as one fundamentalist lawmaker put it.

But if you were afraid Florida was actually going to make itself “pro-life,” don’t worry. It’s not. Murderering is their favorite. The Florida Republican super-majority legislature passed a bill last week that Bootsie DeSantis is expected to sign that will allow juries to recommend the death penalty in capital cases on an 8-4 vote instead of unanimous votes (In case you’re a Republican, “unanimous” means everybody). In order to kill someone, an eye for an eye, Florida will no longer require that everyone vote yes…just most of them. What fun is there in being governor if you can’t kill people?

Boots has also suggested building a state prison next to Disneyland which could be the new home for death row. That should be great for tourism. Good job, Meatball. Award yourself with some pudding.

As for Mickey and Minnie, they may soon be doing some out-of-state tourism of their own.

Music note: I listened to The Shins, Colin Hay, and U2.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Heifer Halftime Show

I’m old. I know less and less about pop culture the older I get even though I need a healthy enough knowledge of it for my work.

Let’s use Rihana as an example. I know who she is. I know she’s a singer with a great voice. I know the song “Shut Up and Drive” is hers because I heard it in “Wreck-It Ralph” which I’ve seen at least a dozen times. I like it. I also recognized a couple other of her tunes during her performance in the Superbowl Halftime Show. I didn’t know she had a baby or that she had taken several years off. Don’t ask me who ASAP Rocky is. I’m old and white.

First off, girl…how can you perform levitated in the air while pregnant? I can’t even climb a ladder without getting violent shakes.

So, I was watching the Super Bowl down the street from my apartment at a local bar which unfortunately closes at 9 P.M. every Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday be damned, which meant I had to leave near the end of the third quarter and race home in time to catch that shitty ending. Great game, shitty ending thanks to the refs. But, I digress.

During Rihanna’s performances, I noticed the bulge. The girl next to me whose boyfriend didn’t appreciate me talking to her until 9 P.M. said it was Rihanna’s post-baby bump. I didn’t even know Rihanna had a baby, but I thought it was really cool that she wasn’t hiding it. I found out later that it’s NOT a post-baby bump but a pregnancy…her second. And, this was a pregnancy reveal. I should call that girl to make sure she knows since I got her number. Anyways…

You know what? I think Rihanna is a badass. She performed the Super Bowl Halftime show on a levitating platform that was high enough to collide with Chinese spy balloons, she kicked ass, she exhibited confidence throughout, and she used the Super Bowl Halftime show for a pregnancy reveal. To everyone who watched her performance who said, “Meh,” go screw yourself. You get your ass up there on that platform and pull it off as well as Rihanna.

And, yes. There were critics. Not surprisingly, they’re old and white too.

Donald Trump “truthed,” “EPIC FAIL: Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history — This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her “Stylist!”

Keep in mind that the entertainment at his inauguration was Three Doors Down while the parade consisted of tractors and bagpipes. Also, keep in mind that Donald Trump has insulted at least half of our nation.

Ronny Jackson, a Republican congressman from Texas who’s literally been up Trump’s ass, was upset even before her performance accusing her of making “a career of spewing degenerate filth while badmouthing America every chance she gets.” He asked, “Why is the NFL showcasing this crap? Rihanna SHOULD NOT be the halftime performer!!” 

How are Republican congressmen supposed to be fixing the border, economy, inflation, and everything else they howled about if they’re too busy fixated on Rihanna and the Super Bowl halftime show?

I don’t know what Rihanna said that “badmouthed” America, but maybe he was referencing the time she tweeted, “Fuck Trump,” or that time she said Trump is the “most mentally ill man in America.” Well, shit. I’ve said worse… much much worse about the pussy grabbing grifting bleached tangerine shitweasel with shit for brains.

Maybe Ronny “Fingers” Jackson was referencing the time Rihanna rejected the NFL’s invitation to play the Super Bowl Halftime show, citing solidarity with Colin Kaepernick and his protests for racial justice.

Other conservatives, like Ted Cruz, were too busy being outraged and flabbergasted from seeing Satan at the Grammys. He’s never had deviled ham in his life.

But just as conservatives are trying to force women to be birthing factories,and be barefoot in the kitchen, Rihanna’s doing the Super Bowl Halftime show. Maybe now they’ll try to outlaw pregnant women from showing pregnant belly bumps during football games.

What they should do is pass a law that bars can’t close during the Super Bowl.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Where’s The Pro-Life Crowd?

cjones05242019

Earlier this week, a 16-year-old boy from Guatemala died after being apprehended at the U.S. Border. He is the fifth migrant child since December to die after being apprehended at the U.S. border.

The boy was “found unresponsive” during a routine welfare check Monday morning at Weslaco Station, the facility where he was being held. The boy was taken into custody after crossing the U.S. border in Texas’ Rio Grande Valley on May 13 and was due to be moved into custody of the Department of Health and Human Services Office of Refugee Resettlement, which oversees care of unaccompanied or separated migrant children after they are initially processed by immigration authorities.

Do you have right-wing whackanoodles among your friends and followers on social media? If so, have they been going ape in rejoicing about the numerous abortion bans taking place in red states across the nation? Of course they have. Now, go visit their pages and see how much outrage these “pro-life” people have over children dying in U.S. custody under Donald Trump’s child-separation policy. What’s that you say? Crickets?

Crickets.

These people are not pro-life. They’ll scream for a fetus but they don’t care about feeding a child, providing housing, free lunches, healthcare, etc. They’ll celebrate drug testing welfare recipients and denying a child food if a little marijuana is traced in one of their parents. They do not care about children.

They only care about controlling women and legislating their religious morality upon the rest of us, while not actually possessing any ethics or principles.

These people are not the champions of justice. They’re the champions of pain, suffering, and cruelty. They’re the champions of hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance.

To be “pro-life,” you need to defend life, not just when you believe it begins. You need to defend the lives of children, no matter where they’re from.

There should be no borders when it comes to defending the life of a child. The pro-life crowd stops at the border of your uterus.

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What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
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