2020

Oprah 2020


cjones01102018

If this was two years ago, I’d think the idea of Oprah Winfrey running for president was a lousy idea.

I’m in favor of celebrities being involved politically. Let them donate money, make speeches and appearances on the behalf of candidates. Why shouldn’t they have the same right as you or I? But, running for office?

Sometimes it works out. Clint Eastwood was mayor of Carmel, California for a few years. Sonny Bono was mayor of Palm Springs, California and then a Republican member of Congress until he met that tree. Jesse Ventura went from professional wrestling and acting to become governor of Minnesota. The most famous is probably Arnold Schwarzenegger who became the Governator of California. Even Gopher from Love Boat became a Congressman from Iowa (where there are no boats).

In each of those cases, the celebrities boned up on the issues. They were familiar with the details of the jobs. They knew how to answer questions without people wondering if they were suffering from a brain aneurysm.

Donald Trump has given celebrity politicians a bad reputation. Sure, Trump won, but that was despite a lot of things. Even if we put aside the racism, the trolling, the tweeting, the sexism, the xenophobia, the assorted Nazis he surrounds himself with, the juvenile attacks, the thin skin, the corruption, the nepotism, the illiteracy, the lying, the insanity, the goading of another madman into a nuclear war, and every example of Trump fuckery, he still doesn’t know the issues. He hasn’t even expressed any interest in learning. When he does actually learn something he thinks he’s the first to hear about. Did you hear about uranium? Did you know the history of Korea is complicated? How about healthcare? Did you know Puerto Rico is an island surrounded by water (unlike islands that are not surrounded by water)?

So normally I’d discourage excitement over a celebrity running for office. But these aren’t normal times. Run, Oprah, run!

Yes, I will vote for Oprah Winfrey over Donald Trump. But with all due respect to Oprah, I’d vote for a garbanzo bean over Donald Trump.

Oprah is better qualified for the job and would most likely be a more attractive candidate than either the bean or the orange eggplant.

First off, she’s not stupid. If she’s ever read a single book, and she probably has since she has her own book club, she knows more about the issues than Donald Trump.

She has empathy. Trump couldn’t spell “empathy” if you spotted him the first six letters. Oprah has been poor. She can relate to everybody.

She’s an actual billionaire, while there’s serious doubt about Trump’s wealth because it’s all tied up in Rubles. She’s also a self-made billionaire and is worth nearly $3 billion. Trump inherited his wealth which he believes makes him a genius.

Oprah is 66-years-old, which is younger than Trump and Hillary Clinton. She also doesn’t have stupid family members she’d give government positions too.

Oprah runs an entertainment company too, but it doesn’t cater to morons like The Apprentice. Harpo Studios produces movies, TV shows, and Oprah’s magazine.

Another perk of electing Oprah: It’d freak Republicans out. Electing a successful black woman to the highest office in the land would probably make Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller move to Russia. Rush Limbaugh would have a heart attack on the air. Sean Hannity would have a live on-air birth to kittens. I would start watching Fox News for the meltdowns alone. If you think a black man in the office pushed them to the edge, wait until you put a black woman in there.

Last year, we saw women turn out the vote and deliver victory for Democrats in places like Virginia, New Jersey, and even Alabama. Black women were the deciding factor in Alabama. In case you forgot since the previous paragraph, Oprah is black.

Women love Oprah. Black women, white women, and even Republican women. The Republicans would have a hard time running an opposition campaign against Oprah and talking crap about her. Trump would try though. He talked shit about the Pope. Also, Trump hates women, especially black women. Doubly especially black women who are smarter than him, which is basically all of them except for Omarosa. Actually, she’s probably smarter than Trump too.

Oprah would crush Trump in an election. His victory was a total fluke in the first place. He needed the right numbers, votes, and Russians in the all the right places for that to work out. Can he do it twice? Can he do it against Oprah? I have doubts he could do it against the garbanzo bean.

Oprah won’t run, but I didn’t think Trump would run either. I overestimated Trump’s intelligence. Oprah is probably too smart to subject herself to a two-year presidential campaign, and then the nightmare of the job cleaning up after Trump. Trump didn’t even think about the job before he got it. He’s still not thinking about it. He thinks about insults, how he’s victimized and cheeseburgers.

Oprah got everyone excited over one decent speech she gave at the Golden Globes, which is one more than Trump has ever given. So, I’m not going to encourage Oprah to run but if she does, I’m on the Oprah train. You go, girl!

Plus, if she wins, maybe we’ll all get new cars.

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