Trump Toast

On a recent night at Mar-a-Lago, the guy who used to occupy the White House raised a glass of champagne and toasted himself.

He praised his policies on China with whom he started an unwinnable trade war. He praised himself on how he dealt with Iran which was to remove the U.S out of a treaty preventing that nation from obtaining a nuclear weapon…thus pushing them closer to having nuclear weapons. He praised himself for how he treated immigrants by ripping families apart, throwing children into jails, and losing track of their parents. He praised himself for winning an election he did not win. At some point, he realized he was at a wedding and he got around to praising the couple.

Trump railed, “Y’know, I just got, I turned off the news, I get all these flash reports, and they’re telling me about the border, they’re telling me about China, they’re telling me about Iran – how’re we doing with Iran, how do you like that?”

Donald Trump was in a tuxedo which now has penguins searching for a new look. But he continued ranting. He said, “Boy, they were ready to make a deal, they would have done anything, they would have done anything, and this guy goes and drops the sanctions and then he says, ‘We’d love to negotiate now,’ and Iran replies, ‘We’re not dealing with the United States at all,’ Oh, well, they don’t want to deal with us.”

At some point, I think he forgot that he was giving a toast at a wedding or even speaking in front of other people as it seemed he was talking to himself. But he continued.

“And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right?”

Quick. Someone get the cake. Distract him with cake. What? He’s not done? Oh, god.

“You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim – he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me.” Was there even a Jim at the wedding or did he just glue little googly eyes on his hand again and pretend it’s talking to him?

Finally…he got around to mentioning the bride and….NOPE. “What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shots, and they call ’em shots, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster.”

Mr. President (sic), would you like to say a few words? No, I’d like to say a lot of words.

He continued. “It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything.”

It continued. “So it’s a rough thing, and I just say, ‘Do you miss me yet?'” No. We don’t miss you and we’re not going to. But then again, we did say the same thing about George W. Bush and…no, nope, no no no…we’re never going to miss your stupid rancid Cheeto-covered ass, you orange shitgibbon from Oompa-Loopma Land.

After warming up, he got started and went into the election he lost and said, “We did get 75 million votes. Nobody’s ever gotten that,” Trump said. “They said, ‘Get 66m votes, sir, and the election’s over.’ We got 75 million and they said … but you know, you saw what happened, 10.30 in the evening, all of a sudden I said, ‘That’s a strange thing, why are they closing up certain places, right?'”

Next time someone pushes the Russian talking points and claims President Joe Biden has dementia (Ted Rall), force them to watch the Trump toast.

Finally…he was done and wrapped it up with a nod to himself and the happy couple, whatever their names are. “Now, a lot of things happening right now. I just wanted to say, it’s an honor to be here, it’s an honor to have you at Mar-a-Lago, you are a great and beautiful couple … have fun.”

Throughout all this, the band was waiting for him to wrap it up so they can play that song from Dirty Dancing. If you’ve had the time of your life with Donald Trump, then you might be a racist.

So, he’s asked to give a toast, he spends the entirety of it on himself in what would seem like a drunken rant if he drank, and at the end, he can’t even mention the couple’s names. Was his daughter Tiffany the bride?

Donald Trump shouldn’t be enjoying freedom and giving wedding toasts. This man attempted to steal an election. He told officials in Georgia to “find votes” so they could overturn the presidential election in that state. There is no telling what he said to other state officials who visited the White House or where phone calls weren’t recorded. After committing election fraud, he sent terrorists to the United States Capitol to overturn the election in a violent coup attempt. He sent MAGA goons and other assorted white supremacists to stop Congress from doing its Constitutional duty. He succeeded for a few hours.

The only place Donald Trump should be toasting weddings is in prison. He shouldn’t be toasting and giving rants at Mar-a-Lago. He shouldn’t be calling in to Fox News to continue spreading debunked conspiracy theories. He shouldn’t be free to enable more white nationalist terrorists. He shouldn’t be at some gold-plated desk working on his bullshit memoirs. He shouldn’t be working on deals to create a new social media network for Nazis. He shouldn’t be on the golf course continuing to bilk taxpayers for Secret Service protection. He should be in prison.

Georgia is investigating Donald Trump’s election interference. The District of Columbia may start an investigation into his rallying terrorists to attack the United States government. The Justice Department should be opening a LOT of investigations into Donald Trump’s illegal activity throughout his time occupying the White House.

And maybe afterward, Donald Trump and Matt Gaetz can share a toilet of wine together. Donald Trump shouldn’t be giving a toast. He should be toast.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: