Brains

Fabio Wajngarten is the press secretary for Brazilian right-wing President Jair Bolsonaro. Last weekend, he was at Mar-a-Lago grinning it up for a photo next to Donald Trump and Mike Pence all splendid looking in his “Make Brazil Great Again” hat (why don’t any of these lunatics think their countries are already great?). Yesterday, Fabio tested positive for the coronavirus.

And CNN just reported, Fabio got facetime with Ivanka, too, and no news agencies have reported this yet, but I’m pretty sure she has to kiss Jared occasionally. And we all know what Donald Trump wants to do with her.

This is at least the third person we know about who got facetime with Trump before discovering they had mingled with someone testing positive for coronavirus. In case you’re a Republican, testing positive is not good. If anything, you’re positively an idiot.

Trump rode on a plane with Congressman Doug Collins, who is now in self-quarantine. He shared the same air with idiot fratboy congressman Matt Gaetz who likes to wear a gas mask everywhere except where he can actually contract the virus. Last week, Donald Trump was at CPAC, a convention of conservative assholes that’s germier than Courtney Love in the men’s room at a bus station. Now, Donald Trump has actually hobnobbed with someone who tested positive which means he’ll never be in the same room with a brown person ever again.

But, Donald Trump isn’t worried that he may have coronavirus. Neither is Pence. Trump said, “We did nothing very unusual, we sat next to each other for a period of time.” Nothing unusual except sitting next to an infected person for a period of time. Stephanie Grisham, the White House press secretary who has yet to hold a press briefing, said, “Both the President and Vice President had almost no interactions with the individual who tested positive and do not require being tested at this time.” Really? Do you want to take Stephanie Grisham’s word that you don’t need to be tested? You might want to get a second opinion, and not from a sycophant. There was almost no interaction but they did manage to capture a photo of it.

She also said, “The White House Medical Unit and the United States Secret Service has been working closely with various agencies to ensure every precaution is taken to keep the First & Second Families, and all White House staff healthy.” Really? It doesn’t look like any precaution was being exercised in that photo. Case in point: Infected fucker allowed into Mar-a-Lago. Is this the same White House Medical Unit that says Trump is six feet two, only 240 lbs., and fit as a fiddle and could live up to the age of 200 (we might find out soon)? Is this the same Secret Service that let a Chinese national into Mar-a-Lago under the pretense of going for a swim, who was carrying four cellphones, a laptop, an external hard drive, and no swimsuit?

Usually, when someone comes into contact with Trump or breathes the same air, they’re the ones who will want to get tested. But Trump, unfortunately, is president of the United States (sic). He should be tested so he can be healthy and continue to make godawful decisions that destroy our nation’s economy. So, after coming into contact with an infected fucker, why isn’t he being tested? Why isn’t this man famous for being a germaphobe not insisting on getting a test? I have theories.

He’s afraid of finding out he’s got coronavirus. Maybe sheer denial will keep it away. If you don’t see a doctor then a doctor can’t tell you bad news. This explains why his hair and face look the way they do. He never saw a specialist who could tell him, “Oh my freaking god, you got an Oompa-Loompa head transplant!”

According to anonymous White House goons, Donald Trump is terrified he may have already caught the virus from one of the assorted infected fuckers he’s been hanging out with.

Another theory is, he thinks he’s invincible. He’s Donald Trump. He’s Superman. He’s an old decrepit son of a bitch who’s afraid of rain and stairs, but he’s a tough guy. Test? We don’t need no stinkin’ tests! One of his sycophants defended Trump on my YouTube page by saying, “He’s always sniffy.”

Theory number 3: He’s afraid if he’s tested, a source will leak it and his supporters, even if it’s not positive, will all be like, “Why would he get tested? He’s Donald Trump! He’s invincible. Only wimpy, socialist Democrats need to get tested.” If they find out Trump got a test, it’ll be like discovering he’s not good at negotiating, or his hair isn’t real, or that he’s overweight, or that he has to pay women to sleep with him, or that he’s told a lie or two, or he bankrupted a casino, or that his kids are idiots, or that he doesn’t know more than the generals, or that he used to be a Democrat, or that he wears more makeup than RuPaul, or he’s not actually a self-made billionaire, or…

Or, we go with theory number 4: Mike Pence just prayed it away. There’s a coronavirus force field surrounding Donald Trump placed there by God that also keeps out Mexican cooties. Unfortunately, it blurs reality and it makes you sniff a lot. I mean a LOT.

Theory number 5: He’s afraid if there’s a test that he’ll have to study.

Theory number 6 is probably the correct one: Donald Trump is an idiot with worms for brains who’s surrounded himself with idiotic sycophants and family (redundant?). He doesn’t know what he’s doing with anything and proving the case on a daily basis he shouldn’t be president.

I don’t wish for Donald Trump or Mike Pence to catch the coronavirus. I don’t wish that on anyone. But if he does catch it, it’s karma. This idiot has been talking hate for the past decade (longer really). He’s catered to the worst element among us. He campaigned on building a wall of hate, banning brown people from entering the nation, calling countries of people with a darker shade “shithole countries.” He holds hate rallies. He opens his doors to any hater willing to fawn over him. The Klan has held parades in his honor. He’s defended Nazis. He builds himself by promoting hate and fear and he props up those who do the same. He gave a Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh. So when one of these evil, low-life, sick racist bastards breath a virus into his face, he kinda had it coming. Quite frankly, he may as well lick a stripper pole used by Stephen Miller.

And you have to appreciate the irony, that after screaming about banning brown people from “shithole countries,” this virus has him banning people from white countries unless their country has a Trump golf resort in it. Trump once asked, “Why can’t we get more people from Norway?” Today, he’s banned travel from Norway.

I’ve said before that if this was the zombie apocalypse, that the fuckers in charge of protecting us from it would all be zombies by now. But if they’re the zombies from Return of the Living Dead, then Donald Trump and everyone in his administration don’t have anything to worry about, because those zombies only eat brains.

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