Fartsy Foreign Meddling

I have this belief that if Donald Trump wins reelection, he’ll pull the United States out of NATO, he’ll invite Vladimir Putin to the White House, and he’ll withdraw all American forces off the Korean peninsula.

I don’t have this belief because I’m suffering from imaginary Trump Derangement Syndrome. I believe this because there are reports he’s voiced out loud about doing all three. In regards to Korea, he now has another reason. A film from South Korea won an Oscar for best picture. For some reason, that really pisses Donald Trump off.

At a racist fucknut rally yesterday, Donald Trump stood up to defend the American film industry from foreign attacks. I don’t really get it. He railed against the film “Parasite,” a South Korean production that you would have to watch with subtitles unless you speak Korean. “Parasite” is the first foreign-language film to win Best Picture.

Trump said to the adoring racist masses, “And the winner is a movie from South Korea, what the hell was that all about? We got enough problems with South Korea with trade. On top of it, they give them the best movie of the year? Was it good? I don’t know.” He then asked, “Can we get ‘Gone With the Wind’ back, please?” and also name-checked “Sunset Boulevard.” What’s next? Complain that James Woods has never won an Oscar? I haven’t actually looked that up but I am that confident he hasn’t won one.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand how anything works. “Gone With the Wind” won an Oscar for Best Picture in 1940, thus it’s not eligible to win one in 2020. “Sunset Boulevard” came out in 1950. But if Trump’s going to campaign for any movie, perhaps he should look into “Dumb and Dumber.”

Neon, the U.S. film production and distribution company backing “Parasite,” replied with, “Understandable. He can’t read,” referencing the film’s subtitles. The Democratic National Committee took the same tack with, “‘Parasite’ is a foreign movie about how oblivious the ultrarich are about the struggles of the working class, and it requires two hours of reading subtitles. Of course, Trump hates it.” And he hates it without even having seen it. But then again, he has an opinion about everything he doesn’t know anything about. I bet he has a lot of them on the G spot.

I’m not sure why he’s going after a foreign film winning an Oscar since he’s not a big fan of recent U.S. films either. But at least he’s trying to protect something American. When it comes to Russian meddling in our elections, past and present, he doesn’t care. A foreign power attacking our democratic process, he goes four years without mentioning. South Koreans winning an Oscar, that he mentions.

After acting-Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire briefed Congress on Russia interfering in the 2020 election to help Trump, Donald Trump got upset and viewed Maguire as disloyal. Trump is afraid Democrats will use the information against him in the election. For Trump, using the fact he’s accepting foreign help is worse than him using foreign help, and the Director of National Intelligence is supposed to be more loyal to him than to America.

Donald Trump, who has told his minions that he wants to remove people from government who are not loyal to him, is now removing Maguire and replacing him with a loyal Trump goon. Maguire is a career official who is respected by the intelligence rank and file. Trump is replacing him with Richard Grennell, who is the current ambassador to Germany (was disappointed to find out the Nazis are gone) and has zero experience with intelligence. In fact, he’s more fond of carrying water for Trump’s conspiracy theories. There’s also talk of eventually making Congressman Doug Collins the permanent Director, who is also a bigger proponent of Trump conspiracy theories than facts.

In fact, during the briefing to Congress delivered by Shelby Pierson, the American intelligence community’s top election security official, Republicans accused the briefers of trying to sabotage Trump. Then, Devin Nunes went running to Donald Trump to tell him about it and warn him that Adam Schiff, lead impeachment manager and Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, was in the room. Reportedly, Trump went off the rails at Maguire before firing him. Now there are reports that Pierson may be leaving also. Maybe Nunes is also the one to tell Trump about “Parasite.”

Donald Trump is worried this information will be used against him, which would be legal. But we don’t need this briefing to know Russia is helping Donald Trump win reelection. We already knew this. Trump’s supporters may always use the defense of “Russia, Russia, Russia” while rolling their eyes, but the rest of the nation takes our security seriously. The rest of us are more loyal to our country than to an orange cult leader. Also, Vladimir Putin already told us he wanted Trump to win in 2016, so duh.

Donald Trump doesn’t like “Parasite,” because it’s about a family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong. But the most ironic thing is, he is a parasite. Personally, I don’t mind reading for two hours so I’m going to watch “Parasite.”

A family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong? I really need to know how it ends.

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