I’m going to be fair in today’s column. Not with the cartoon because cartoons aren’t supposed to be fair.
When Eric Trump tweeted, “Bout to open up a big ol’ can of whoop ass (American flag emoji #Don’tMessWithTheBest #USA#USA#USA,” he wasn’t talking about his father’s order to assassinate Iranian general Qassem Soleimani.
There’s been much speculation that Donald Trump told douchebag son No. 2, Eric, about the upcoming hit while neglecting to inform Congress. It is fair to criticize how Trump handled the information since he did tell Senator, and reason some South Carolina village is missing its idiot each time he’s in Washington – LindseyGraham. Trump also seemed to dedicate a LOT more time to golf than deliberations over a decision that may lead our nation to war…and war or no war, to the death of many Americans. And, maybe he did tell Eric as Donald Trump has shown us before that he doesn’t really take classified information very seriously. For all we know he phoned Putin beforehand like he did before bombing some runways in Syria. And, there is speculation as to why Eric deleted the tweet.
But, Eric was retweeting conspiracy theorist Jack Posobiec, who posted a video of marines arriving to the American embassy in Baghdad with the caption: “BREAKING: US Marines arriving to Baghdad embassy.”
There are a few issues we can take with Eric’s tweet. First off, when Eric wrote “#USA#USA#USA,” he misspelled “#RUSSIA#RUSSIA#RUSSIA.” Maybe that explains the tweet’s deletion.
Second, trust-fund, silver-spoon-baby Eric Trump has never opened a can of anything in his life. The guy would need a manual to operate a can opener without harming himself. The guy couldn’t open a can of tuna fish if it was a pop-top. Eric couldn’t open a can of Pringles. And, “Bout to open a can of whoop-ass,” Eric? Who’s opening that can of “whoop-ass?” It’s not you.
Eric, if we go to war, you’ll be safe at home watching it break on Fox News and having someone smarter explaining it to you. Even if there was a draft and you were young enough, your dad would be able to pay some quack doctor to attest that you have bone spurs, thus getting you out of military service. That’s how your corrupt grandfather got your corrupt father out of service. That’s how it works for trust-fund babies, which you undoubtedly are.
If your idiot father does start a war with Iran, you can bet your little brother Barron won’t have to serve, as the war with Iran will probably last about as long as our war with Afghanistan (which neither you nor douchebag son No.1 volunteered to serve in) that has lasted nearly two decades. In case you’re a Republican or a son of Donald Trump, a decade is ten years.
Also, Eric…war is nothing like the hunting you and dumbass Don Jr. do for endangered species. It’s not like having your prey fenced in and paying a guide to point them out to you and then after killing the animal, you get to go back to the clubhouse, get a steak before hitting up the salon for a mani-pedi.
No, Eric. In war, they shoot back. People die in war.
I know you and other Trump supporters aren’t real big with the thinking, but when you’re out there shaking your pom-poms chanting “Russia, Russia, Russia,” I mean, “USA, USA, USA,” keep in mind that Americans are going to be dying. Americans who are not you or other beneficiaries of your father’s tax-cuts.
The thing is, Eric when we go to war, you not only don’t have to fight it but you don’t even have to worry about it. I mean, for our last war you got tax cuts. What’cha gonna get this time? A new yacht?
So to sum up: Killing endangered animals, getting huge tax cuts, not having to worry, shaking pom-poms, tweeting, deleting tweets, or stealing from a children’s’ cancer charity, yes. Eric can do it. Opening cans, not so much.
Support the cartoonist.
You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.
Watch me draw.