Trump Bedbugs

When I heard the United States is going to host the G7 Summit in 2020, the first thing I thought was, “that fucker’s gonna try to have it at one of his shitty golf clubs.” I’m sure most journalists in the country thought the same thing so I shouldn’t receive any huge plaudits for my prognostication skills. Grifters are gonna grift. That’s exactly what our Grifter-in-Chief has set out to do. Con the G7 and in the process, spread the Trumpfestation.

Donald Trump is a conman. It’s all he is. His entire business is a con. He was born and bred to con, with his father giving him an annual allowance of $200,000 a year by age three in what was probably just one of many tax scams the family concocted.

As a candidate, he conned his supporters. As the nominee, he conned the Republican National Committee, charging them for campaign space in Trump Tower after raising the rent. Later he started conning the U.S. government, charging the Secret Service rent at Trump Tower, once again, after raising the rent.

Donald Trump promised he would separate himself from his businesses. Instead of selling or putting everything into a blind trust, he turned it over to be managed by his two idiot sons. As president, he’s name-dropped his property over 70 times. He’s averaging two weekly visits to his properties as president. When he stays at one of his properties, we have to pay for him to do so. We have to pay for government services, rooms and feeding government personnel, and even golf cart rentals so the Secret Service can follow Trump while he cheats at golf. We probably even pay for Trump to stay in his own bedroom.

Trump has hosted the leaders of Japan and China at his Mar-a-Lago, thus earning money from those two governments. If nations have business with the United States, first they have to do business with Donald Trump.

Trump claims he’s going to lose $3-$5 billion as president, which is a lie because he’s not worth that. He will not disclose his tax returns so we can’t see how much he’s really milking the government or to whom he’s indebted.

A friend of mine who is a retired cartoonist and a conservative, made a post on social media this week that the good thing about Trump is that since he’s a billionaire, he can’t be bought. Yes, I’m still trying to figure out how to virtually slap someone on the back of the head.

When someone has $3 billion (maybe) but claims they have ten, they can be bought. When Saudis are renting rooms they’re not staying in from the guy, he can be bought. When his attorney general, the same one defending him in an emoluments lawsuit (I can’t make this up anymore) is spending $30,000 for a party at Trump’s hotel, he can be bought. When a cabinet member tries to purchase a mattress from the same hotel, Trump can be bought.

And of course, Trump wants to host the G7 at one of his crappy golf resorts. He’s aiming to host it at his underperforming Doral resort in Miami to bilk at least six foreign governments. Trump claims it’s great because it’s near an airport. Obviously, no one else in this country ever thought of building hotels and convention centers near airports before. There’s probably also a McDonald’s nearby which I’m sure will be a factor and seriously bad news for the world leaders attending. I hope they like Big Macs and burnt steaks with ketchup. Those might be the least of their problems because Doral is infested.

Donald Trump is having a hissy fit on Twitter because it was reported that someone sued him for being ravaged by bedbugs while sleeping at Doral. Trump tweeted that it was an attack by “radical left Democrats” and it was just a “false and nasty rumor.” Honestly, I’m shocked he hasn’t accused Obama of planting the bedbugs while bugging Trump Tower.

But, despite the club not having bedbugs, Trump settled the lawsuit with the man the bedbugs used as a buffet. What also leads me to believe Doral is currently infested with bedbugs is the fact Donald Trump said it’s not infested with bedbugs.

Doral isn’t the only thing of Trump’s that’s infested. The man destroys everything he touches. At this very moment, some poor French guy is probably burning the sheets Trump slept on at the G7 last weekend. It’s a Trumpfestation. No wonder Melania sleeps in a separate bedroom (probably under a poster of Justin Trudeau).

The Trumpfestation is everywhere from the White House to the State Department to the Justice Department to each of his crappy golf clubs. I just hope the White House is fumigated after Trump is finally kicked out or we may have to do what Indonesia’s doing right now, which is moving their capital to Borneo. I think we should move Trump to Borneo.

It’s as if Trump is personally challenged to make everything as horrible as possible. He goes to the G7 and spends the first night operating as Vladimir Putin’s personal lobbyist. Now, he wants to entertain the world’s leaders at a bedbug-infested motel hell. They should take a tip from the Saudis and rent the rooms and stay somewhere else.

I’m asked all the time about what I’ll do with my cartoons after Trump leaves office. I’m not going to have a problem with that because we’re still going to be having problems. The Trumpfestation will be ravaging our nation for years.

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