claytoonz

Dotard

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A lot of people were introduced to the Elton John song “Tiny Dancer” by the movie “Almost Famous.” For others, it was when they fell in love with it all over again. It’s the part of the film where a rock band is on their tour bus and everyone, including the band, roadies, groupies, and the underage Rolling Stone reporter all start singing along to the chorus. It probably would have ruined the song for me if the TV show “Friends” hadn’t already done that with the “hold me closer, Tony Danza” episode.

It’s hard to make the belligerents in a cartoon look more ridiculous than they actually are when the subjects are Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un. The only victim in this situation (so far) is Elton John.

I hate to say that Trump is out of his league in his war of childish insults with the leader of North Korea, as it may come off as defending Kim Jong Un (but it’s OK if Trump defends Russia from attacking the United States). But, it’s not a compliment to say one is better at being an immature and irrational human being. The reason Trump is out of his league is twofold.

First, despite Trump’s claim that he has “the best words,” Kim took him to school this week. In fact, Kim took a lot of people to school as the entire nation was looking up the definition of “dotard.” Kim has already brought more knowledge to Americans than Betsy DeVos, the Secretary of Education.

Several years ago when Clay Aiken was famous, I would have his name thrown at me every time I spoke at an elementary school. Calling me “Clay Aiken” was the type of thing that’s funny and creative to an eight-year-old. Occasionally an adult would use it and it would inform me immediately that I was dealing with a person whose growth was stunted. That’s what we’re dealing with in Donald Trump. Also, when someone comes up with a name and they stick with it, repeating it over and over, is a sign of a dumbass who probably watches a lot of professional wrestling.

Trump’s mind stopped developing around when he was eleven-years-old. For him, “loser,” “crooked,” and “lying” are big words and they’re extremely creative. Take “fake news” as an example. It doesn’t even work. If it’s fake then it’s not news. They say dogs can learn up to 200 words. Trump might know 97.

So, when you hear conservatives repeating words used by Donald Trump, you know who you’re dealing with. Last night, there was a rally in Alabama full of those people.

Kim is probably an intelligent person despite the insanity. But, when you’re raised in a culture that’s telling 25 million people you’re a god who can talk to dolphins, it’s probably going to go to your head. Even if he is smart, I’m sure he labored with input from others in writing his “personal” response to Trump.

In contrast, Donald Trump tweets at 3:00 AM, probably while sitting on the toilet, and he has delete, retweet, delete, retweet, before he finally lands on the correct spelling for “unprecedented.” We’re still trying to figure out “Covfefe.”

Kim has never responded personally. Usually, the statements are from the government, which represents all the people of the DPRK. I can assure you, Trump’s tweets do not speak for this nation. You’re not tying me to that shit.

Kim felt the need to respond personally after Trump spoke to the U.N. and threatened to destroy North Korea, while also calling him “Rocket Man.” And, this is the second point where Trump is out of his league.

Trump doesn’t know what he’s doing. In Kim’s response, he said that Trump is “mentally deranged.” The North Koreans are prone to hyperbole and insults, like threatening to destroy South Korea, the USA, and calling Obama a “monkey.” But, they’re not far off in calling Trump “mentally deranged.” Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day. The other response from the DPRK is their foreign minister’s statement that they may explode a hydrogen bomb over the Pacific Ocean. This would be bad.

I hope Donald Trump understands the Pacific Ocean is that big body of water between the United States and Japan. It’s not Pacsun, the clothing store in malls. Maybe he can remember the Pacific Ocean by being reminded it’s where he lost that aircraft carrier.

Trump’s bullying and tough talk isn’t working out diplomatically. His threats only confirm to North Korea that they have to keep their nuclear weapons and continue to develop their missile system. At some point, something’s going to explode over a large population.

When people start dying, I don’t think anyone’s going to believe our toddler as an excuse for a president has the best words.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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