Cruzin’ And Oozin’

You take one look at Ted Cruz’s face and you think, gee…if there is a god he must have really hated Ted before he was even born.

God would not be alone in hating Ted Cruz. Hardly anybody likes the guy, except troglodytes. I have a conservative political cartoonist colleague who loves him. He voted for him in 2016….TWICE. Once in the primaries and then wrote him in during the general election. You can tell a lot about a person if they like Ted Cruz. In my friend’s case, he’s an asshole.

Minnesota Senator Al Franken has stated he likes Ted Cruz probably more than any of his colleagues in the Senate…and he hates Ted Cruz.

Cruz’s fellow Republican in the Senate, Lindsey Graham said that someone could shoot Ted on the Senate floor and nobody would care. I’m sure a lot of people would care. There’d probably be a party.

Ted’s college roommate, Craig Mazin once tweeted, “Ted would leave a greasy film on everything. My friend Erik dubbed the substance “Cruhz,” rhymes with “scuzz.” Now there’s Cruhz on my TV.” He also implied that Cruz was a chronic masturbator, which is an image I don’t want.

Trump referred to him as a “very nasty guy,” and gave him the nickname “Lyin’ Ted” during the campaign. Of course, after the campaign, Trump had Ted over for dinner. I hope they cleaned the place of “Cruhz.”

Now, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is going after Cruz.

After Hurricane Sandy hit the upper-east coast in 2012, Ted Cruz voted against federal dollars to aid the area. Many, Republicans, like Christie, are pointing out the hypocrisy that NOW Ted wants federal disaster relief after Hurricane Harvey. Christie said Cruz was “disgraceful.”

He told Chris Cuomo on CNN that, “Senator Cruz was playing politics in 2012, trying to make himself look like the biggest conservative in the world.”

Cruz defended his 2012 vote by stating, “The problem with that particular bill is it became a $50 billion bill that was filled with unrelated pork. Two-thirds of that bill had nothing to do with Sandy.”

As with most things that come from Ted Cruz, that’s a lie. According to Washington Post Fact-Checker Glen Kessler, who walked through the bill line item by line item. “It is wildly incorrect to claim that the bill was ‘filled with unrelated pork.’ The bill was largely aimed at dealing with Sandy, along with relatively minor items to address other or future disasters.” 

When it came time to provide aid to his fellow Americans, Cruz left a trail of Cruhz all over that bill. He and other Texas Republicans voted against providing New York and New Jersey with disaster relief funding because they’re liberal states, and Obama really wanted to help with disaster relief. See? Ted Cruz is just an asshole.

Texas has issues. It’s a very under-regulated state. The lack of regulations encourages businesses to move to Texas. Being an oil state, Texas doesn’t have a high regard for the environment. Nor does it value a woman’s right to choose or minority voting. They do dumb things like that. The results can be horrifying, like a coastline being underprepared for a category-4 hurricane, or a manure plant exploding from ammonium nitrate and killing 15 people, or Ted Cruz becoming your United States Senator.

As I said, you can tell a lot about a person who likes Ted Cruz. It should tell us a lot about Texas. A lot of the areas affected by Harvey, like Houston, didn’t vote for Cruz. But, they’re stuck with what the rest of the state gave them.

Cruz is up for reelection in 2018. I’d suggest that Texas replace him and then start their cleanup. Not so much from Harvey, but after all the “Cruhz.”

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